Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A potty post for you

One of the best things about being a parent to an eight and nine year old is .... They are already potty-trained. Not that there aren't many wonderful things about kids this age, because really, there are just so many. Allow me to list a few: They still think you are cool. They are just beginning to understand sarcasm yet not know enough about it to use it effectively themselves. You can still put them to bed by eight o'clock at night. Oh, and you can watch movies based on superheros (i.e. X-men 3) and tell everyone you had to because you were doing it for the kids. But above all of this, you don't have to wipe their asses. Only yell at them to flush the toilet. And clean up any splash. And PUT THE SEAT DOWN. But I digress.

I know, dear internet, you are wondering where am I going with this potty post. Let me explain. I am surrounded by toddlers. I have three nieces and nephews who are currently learning where to aim their pisser. And both my best friends are hip deep in potty-seats, potty-songs, and my personal favorite, potty-parties. For those less informed, let me educate you. This is when said parent calls up every person on their speed dial and makes a big fuss when the little darling manages to get something, anything, into the pot. I am beginning to feel like Pavlov's dog, when I hear the bell, I know someone managed to poo.

But being immersed (against my will) in the potty-training culture has brought back memories. Memories, my son, would rather I had never recovered. Memories that I know I will blackmail him with until the day he locks me, kicking and screaming, into some far away, geriatric facility. Memories that I feel the need to share with you, dear internet, because I am a kind and generous Redneck mommy.

It all started on a dark and stormy night. Just kidding. It was warm and sunny out. I was at the kitchen sink, washing yet another load of dishes by hand (damn hubby wouldn't hook up the dishwasher which, to this day, is still collecting dust in the shed.) My freshly potty-trained boy was waking up from his afternoon nap. He wandered into the kitchen, yawning, all warm and fuzzy and slightly disoriented from sleep. I said "Hello Frac, did you have a good nap?" as I rinsed another glass.

Frac didn't answer me. Now this should have rung a few alarm bells, but what can I say? You can't be on red alert all the time. Instead, he opened up the refrigerator and pulled down his pants....While I stood two feet away and watched like a dumbass. You guessed it, dear internet. My dear, sweet, darling boy, whipped it out and peed into the refrigerator.

About mid-stream he figured out the seven foot tall, cool, white box was not the toilet. About the same time I fully comprehended the little pisser was pissing in my fridge. He turned to me. I stepped towards him. And he peed all over my feet.

But I learned a valuable lesson that day. No, dear internet, not the one about making sure the little fella was pointed in the direction of the bathroom after getting up from his nap. The other lesson. The one were I learned urine cleans dry jam off the bottom of the fridge like nothing else. And it's environmentally friendly too!

3 Comments:

Blogger jellyhead said...

Ah, T, what a helpful cleaning tip!

I've just been reading back through your Redneck Mommy blog (having first read your other, no-longer-secret blog). It is wonderful to see that although you have suffered a gut-wrenching loss, you remain a very funny and feisty woman. I love your writing style... I can imagine you would be a fabulous friend!

You are touching so many people with your blog about Shalebug. Some have suffered losses, too, and get comfort and understanding. Others, like me, just feel privileged to hear your story, to know a little about your sweet youngest child, and are in awe of your positivity in the face of a huge grief.

I just wanted to say thank you for BOTH of your blogs. They are both wonderful in different ways.

I'll stop talking now.

:) Jelly

3:20 p.m.  
Anonymous jess said...

That is freakin hilarious and oh so disgusting!

10:25 p.m.  
Blogger Paula said...

Can't say I've ever tried urine as a cleaning product, so I'll have to take you at your word. Love the cartoon and your blog rocks!!! It's so fun. Looking forward to getting to know you better.

5:47 a.m.  

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