Monday, May 08, 2006

A lesson learned

I, Redneck Mommy, can be a tad impulsive. (Which is slightly evident when I named this blog, never realizing the amount of pervs who would knock on my blog door simply because I called myself their mommy. But that is a post for another day...) I have always been a little impulsive, but my lack of impulse control was harnessed by caution and small amounts of wisdom. My caution and wisdom brain cells seem to have been buried with my son as of late.

Case in point, I painted my bedroom Bubbalicious Purple. Yummy. They say purple is the color of royalty. I, being the princess I am, would have to disagree.

Example #2, when the lady down the road asked if I wanted to work at her greenhouse, without any hesitation (or thought) I agreed. After all, wasn't it so nice of her to think of me? Yes, yes it was. But perhaps shoveling mounds of dirt and packing hundred pounds of flower pots around a greenhouse, all for minimum wage, is not the best way to cope with grief. If I want to function like anything other than a zombie, afterwards.

But the best example, and the reason for this post, is my nose piercing. Because I am a hip, cool mommy, I ran out and had someone stick a needle through my nose. And for the pleasure of that searing pain, I paid them a hundred smackeroos. If I was younger, I would have used my mom's sewing needle, a potato and my best girlfriend. See the wisdom I have gained with age?

The nose piercing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It healed nicely and rather quickly too, and after my intitial urge to constantly pick my nose, I kind of forgot about it. The hubs loved the pretty little stud and my kids thought I was the coolest mom out there. So this loss of impulse control actually worked out well. Right, dear internet?

But being the fool I am, I couldn't leave well enough alone. Cuz I am nothing if not a twit. On Saturday I was back at the scene of the crime. I had every intention of just buying a different stud, this time maybe a more sparkly one, to put in my newly healed nose. But even tattoo and piercing artists are salesmen at heart. And the chicky who was working the till had so many holes in her face that if you hooked her up to a hose she would have been a mighty fine sprinkler for your lawn. She talked me out of the pretty girly stud and into a brutish, garish 16 gauge nose ring. Like a bull, baby.

So, seeing as how a sucker is born every second, I agreed. She led me back into the pit of pain, where I awaited a piercer to insert the ring for me. How bad could it be, right? After all, the hole is already there. You see my faulty logic here? Well, to be fair, putting the ring in didn't hurt that much to begin with. But after the piercer tugged, pulled, squeezed and picked my precious nose, things got a little tender. But we women know there is a price to pay for vanity. And really, this was no worse than waxing my grass. If you know what I mean...

Have you ever beat your self with a hair brush after some thing didn't turn out so well? If so, Welcome to my World. A world where there is always room for more idiots. Well, my quota for self-mutilation was full, so I put the hair brush down, but now I am stuck with this clunky ring which makes my hubs laugh his ass off. He keeps threatening to attach my new puppy's leash to it and well, lead me around by the nose. Funny. He so did not get laid this weekend.

The moral of this story is, think before you act ladies. Or else you too, could be sporting a slightly infected, red bulbous nose to which a leash will attach to. And for you gentlemen, there is a lesson for you too. Keep your mouth shut, don't tell your lady she looks like your prize winning 4H bull, and you may get lucky. And for the love of all things holy, leave the leash alone!

**I really am that blue. It's not just the computer screen glow, it's our Canadian water...


Blogger great dane addict said...

I had my nose pierced on impulse 10 years ago when I was 18. I still have it and love it.

11:21 a.m.  
Anonymous motherhooduncensored said...

OMG you are so freaking CUTE with that damn nosering I could fall over right now.

1:21 p.m.  
Blogger Fidget said...

you're turning violet, Violet!

Ok now that THAT is out of my system you DO look super cute! I could never pull one off, people would just assume it's a huge metallic booger and keep wiping their nose while they stare off to the left, afraid to look directly at me

1:37 p.m.  
Blogger Emily said...

Not only are you a great writer, but you're also a hottie?! Who-da thunk?!

PS. I think you look abso-Smurf-ly gorgeous in blue.

1:51 p.m.  
Anonymous Grins said...

I can just imagine what my teenaged son would say if I showed up with one. Looks adorable on you even if the husband is threatening to lead you around by it.

2:58 p.m.  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I think it looks awesome. I've had my nose pierced for almost thirteen years now and I've never had anything in it but a small silver hoop.

4:56 p.m.  
Blogger Christina said...

I think it looks great on you! While I was reading the description, I thought it would be some gigantic ring, but it's really cute, I think!

5:09 p.m.  
Blogger Orion_skie said...

It looks great. I think you definately count as a cool mom.

5:40 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I think it looks great and the ring really doesn't look all that big. You look very cute and chic with that ring.

6:27 p.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

I second what everyone else said....absolutely adorable!

I couldn't get my nose pierced though....I'm a big puss [with a Y]

So are you keeping your job at the greenhouse?

7:16 p.m.  
Anonymous Melissa said...

Smurfett, all grown up with a nose ring. Who'd a thunk?

You have a wonderful blog. Plus now you get to be the cool mom!

8:45 p.m.  
Blogger My float said...

You can make this work for you. Get some big metal shower rings. One early morning, when hubs is still sleeping, hook one to the other side of your nose, and find other, ahem, bits to hook them onto. Then pretend to sleep and when you hear him stirring, start screaming, "They're breeding, they're breeding."

And laugh at him freaking out.

9:22 p.m.  
Blogger Gina said...

great post... it actually looks good on you...

11:32 p.m.  
Anonymous Kvetch said...

Ouch. You look good though, which is really what's important.

5:37 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure about the nose ring.. but hey.. the glasses are a definite 10.

9:18 p.m.  

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