Friday, May 19, 2006

I am That Mom

My bone-digging daughter has returned home. Happy, healthy and only slightly sunburned. All in all the trip was a resounding success. There were a few glitches. Minor whoops, if you may. Apparently, my daughter was the only kid (out of sixty) to not have brought along a foamy or an air mattress. Now, in my defense, she had a beautiful, comfy sleeping bag. Brand new. She is nine year old, for pete's sake. Aren't nine year olds supposed to be able to sleep on the hard ground with out complaint? Doesn't having something soft and cushiony to sleep on take some of the "rough" out of roughing it?

To make matters worse, I forgot to pack her a pillow. Again, the only child whose mother forgot to pack her a pillow. Somewhere to rest her pretty head. I feel kind of bad about this one, but in my defense, it wasn't on the damn list they sent home. I kind of thought they would use rocks or ball up their dirty clothes, like Jack and Ennis did on Brokeback.

But to really paint a dork's bull's eye on my daughter's forehead, I packed her a nightgown. Gasp, the horror. How could I have been so insensitive? Because, as I've just learned, nightgowns are for geeks. Two piece jammies are the way to be hip. As my daughter was safely cocooned in her homemade nightgown, sewn with love by her grandma, she was sweltering from heat in her brand new sleeping bag, (which was on top of a pile of lumpy rocks.)

As she complained about this, I asked her why she just didn't sleep on top of her sleeping bag. Then she wouldn't be so hot, nor so uncomfortable from the rocks. (Apparently someone had beaten me with a stupid stick before I asked that question.)

My daughter looked at me like I grew devil horns out of my forehead and told me (in a patronizing, "What-Are-You-Stupid?" voice) it was impossible to sleep on top of her bag because then her nightgown might ride up and her ass would be hanging out for all the kids boys to see. And what nine year old girl wants the boys to know she wears pink panties with hearts on them?

So, yes, I am that mother. The type of mother to send her kid to sleep on a bed of rocks while sweltering to death inside a big ole sleeping bag, while wearing an ugly, fleece nightgown and having to use a pile of pebbles to cushion her head. Yes, I am that mother.

Too damn bad. It could have been worse.

I could have went along on the trip. Then she'd really have something to complain about.


Blogger It's okay, Sweetie said...

Oh la-la! I'm visitor number one today!

Loved the visual - dorks bulls eye.

I'm surprised "today's" packing requirements didn't include:

cell phone
game cube
money for pizza delivery

I remember 1,000 years ago (am I dating myself) on a Girl Scout trip my mother bought me McDonalds. I held on to it for hours not realizing it'd be cold by dinnertime. Was I miserable with that floppy cheeseburger.

That didn't earn Mom a dork's bulls eye. Naaaah. If I had a to camp out once a month, she'd get better at it. I forgive her, really. I do.


I do.

So why are you still reading this?

I SAID I forgive her...

I do.

8:42 a.m.  
Blogger Gette said...

I am the lunch-packing dork for my older kids. They shrieked with outrage at all the prepackaged stiff I put in Thing 3's lunch for the zoo trip, after refusing to pack it in theirs a couple years prior. They forget that the years they went, they got a McDonald's stop for one meal, that this kid didn't get (yay school!) These are kids that ask to bring their own lunch as a treat, which I usually deny because they get school lunch for free and I am stingy.
Poor kids.

8:55 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! Well this'll make you feel better...I had the same thing happen to me when I was a kid...except that i didn't have a super-cute sleeping bag. I had to use my dad's camoflaged bag that he used for hunting. Everyone else had strawberry shortcake and I had "the deer hunter".



9:06 a.m.  
Blogger Lindsay said...

I think I had a similar experience when I was little, But then everyone had cots and I was the only one with an UGLY yellow egg crate! AHHHHH
she will look back on that experience and LAUGH her ass off when she is older!

9:16 a.m.  
Blogger moe said...

You're SOOOO mean!

How could you! A nightie? Wow, you should know better! No pillow, the poor dear. And of couse each kid needs an air mattress. You didn't forget the portable dvd player though so I guess she'll forgive you... eventually.

What? no dvd player?

I'm calling youth protection.

10:58 a.m.  
Anonymous Motherhood Uncensored said...

Nighties are out? Shit. I'm going to be in deep trouble when my kid gets older.

11:30 a.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

It's a wonder she wasn't brought home by the DCFS police..I mean expected her to sleep in a nighty??? What were you thinking????!!!!

You think after the nice people at DCFS leave your house you could tell 'em to come to my house...I need a break for a weekend know what I'm sayin. Just two days in a nice padded room to get some much needed rest...and peace and quiet.

11:48 a.m.  
Blogger craziequeen said...


LOVE it.....don't we all have wonderful stories like that about our mums?

My most cringing one was the school disco, where my mum sent me in a very nice demure black frock with a hand stitched lace jabot at the neck.......

yes, yes, very nice, but every other girl (and there were hundreds of them there with *boys*!) wore jeans and t'shirts.....

I never, ever, lived that down through my school years.....


12:24 p.m.  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

LOL -- the whole time I was reading this I kept waiting for you to say you went with her and ruined her life.

12:56 p.m.  
Blogger Binky said...

This is hilarious. Oh, I can just imagine her angst! Hey, is she a nose-picker like us? Because nighty-be-damned, that's a legacy you'll never be able to live down.

2:05 p.m.  
Blogger My float said...

Would it add to her misery if you said, "In my day, we didn't have pillows or nightgowns or such frippery? In my day, my mother made me use my pet rock to rest my weary and wear hessian sacks. And did we ever get to go to camp? Sure! Where all the BEARS lived. We had to chase them out of our tiny shack made of dungbricks. We never dreamt of being as ungrateful as complaining to our poor mother who was doing the very best she could. Aren't you grateful I'm your mama?"


2:08 p.m.  
Blogger Ro - said...

Hi there.

I found you thru someones link on their blogroll (I have mommy brain though and cant remember who's it was)... anyway I have a nine year old. Though she has never been camping before everything you said I can absolutely relate to!

Atleast once a day she looks at me like I am a dumbf*ck and dont know anything about being a girl.

Ugh!! Unfortunately I also have an 8 yr. old girl who will soon be looking at me the exact same way! lol. :)

4:07 p.m.  
Blogger jellyhead said...

Hee hee, you're a terrible mother too then. I feel so much better.

5:34 a.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I hope you've been saving for her therapy because she's never going to let you forget this egregious error. She'll still be bringing it up when she sends you away to your nursing home. ;)

4:47 p.m.  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...your poor sweet nine year old! I certainly can inderstand feeling like the 'odd one' being the only child with the mattress thingy....and the nightgown...(what were you Anyway, I hope she had a grand time other than those the pillow. I was never good at the camoing deal...ever! Not comfy enough for me.
I'm so glad I'm not nine anymore!
And, I'm here from Michele's today and it is always delightful to visit you...!

5:44 p.m.  
Blogger Star said...

She's only 9 and you've ruined her life already? What are you going to do for those teenage years? Michele sent me.

5:48 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

You bad mother you!!!

I went to a boy scout camporee today. It was supposed to be primitive camping...and it was, for the most part, but as I was leaving (I should have taken a picture duh) I spotted a metal pull behind trailer, with the sides up. It had a complete kitchen with oven & frig & sink. A TV set and generator and no telling what was on the other side of it. This troop was not hurting and there were a few more Uhaul looking trailers at different sites.

My grandson"s troop ate burnt pancakes cooked over an open fire.

8:26 p.m.  
Blogger mackeydoodle said...

lol!!! The trama we cause our kids:)
Love your blog BTW. I stumbled upon it whilst looking for fellow Canadian bloggers.

10:05 a.m.  
Blogger srp said...

Here from Michele.
It will get worse. Soon you will send her off to Hawaii to really rough it for ten days. You will fight over the three pair of shorts that ride WAY TOO LOW at her pubic area and WAY TOO HIGH in the bun area. Then you will fight over the t-shirts that are not long enough to cover stomach sticking out from said shorts. Jammies or nightgowns will all be a no-no as the child now sleeps in a t-shirt with lounge pants, panties, and a sports bra as everyday wear.....pulling off said lounge pants in the middle of the night because of heat...I warn, don't do that out there, you never know what will crawl in those pants... insect wise of course. But the sleeping bag, we agree. Light weight, mummy style... no room to sneak in those pesky boy creatures. Did I mention, she's 20?

11:04 a.m.  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Rocks for pillows...I'm cracking up here...

I'm a little aghast at the idea of an air mattress for an overnight camping trip. Pillow, yes. Jammie set consisting of top and bottom, got it. But air mattress? Geez, I'd rather have a port-a-potty, thanks.

1:02 p.m.  
Blogger Kimi Jo said...

She could have put on a pair of shorts and then she would not have shown her underwear. There is always a comeback from the mom. Trust me, I have a 17 year old, and she never wins!!!

2:33 p.m.  
Blogger Surfing Free said...

qOh the horror! A nightgown .. how humiliating!

7:13 p.m.  
Anonymous jess said...

Hey! We can be that mom together. Every night when i go into my almost nine year old daughter's room her ass is hanging out from her nightie.

Blow up mattresses are evil.

10:04 a.m.  

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