Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Short Walk down a Long Aisle

Nine years ago today my husband became legally obligated to lift the toilet seat up. And I in turn, became legally obligated to pick up his nasty, smelly, balled up socks and put them in the laundry. When we walked down that aisle, with stars in our eyes and our hearts in our throats, we never imagined what life would bring us.

We had images of white picket fences, farm animals and puppy dogs. Well, the only white picket fence around here is the one down the road and it is fairly dilapidated. And farm animals? Please. You can take a city girl and put her in the sticks, but she is still a city girl. The only farm animals I want to have are the ones neatly processed and served on my plate. As for puppy dogs, well, we're working on it. (Tank Cletus Otis Brutus Figaro Finnagan Hoss Ralph, Mommy loves you. But we really need to settle on a name for you or we might have a problem when we are out in the park!)

The reality of marriage is slightly different than our hazy romantic visions. Reality involved student loans, credit card debt and a 600 square foot home out in the middle of nowhere. Reality is three kids, two miscarriages and one granite marker. Real life meant watching a father struggle to live, and another father become crippled. Reality brought with it two mother in laws who dislike each other and a gaggle of inlaws to complicate family gatherings.

But all in all, the reality of marriage is better than what either the hubs or I pictured. Sure, my beloved was heart broken to realize marriage doesn't involve me wearing a french maid's outfit every night and serving his every sexual craving, but the fact that he gets laid on a semi-regular basis is enough to keep him happy. And me, well, truth be known, I was a little disappointed when I learned that my man didn't develop bulging biceps along with his newly found beer belly, but I am happy knowing that he doesn't complain when I spend a small fortune on shoes and nasal piercings.

That short walk down the long aisle produced a married couple who love each much more now than the day they took that stroll. Because now, when I sit on the toilet and my ass touches the freezing cold water because my darling hubs has forgotten to put the lid down, I know that he loves me. And when he goes to grab his last beer to settle in for the game, and discovers it has already been drunk - by me, well, I'm sure he knows I love him dearly.

Because nine years means we can steal each other's beer. Nine years means we can walk around naked, not comb our hair and pick each other's zits. (Ok, I can't do that last one, but it's a nice thought.) Nine years means pillow fights, chasing the kids around the house while making monster noises and munching on popcorn while watching lame "age appropriate" movies. Nine years means letting the little battles go, so you can focus on the really big war. (Usually, involving a mother-in-law.)

If I had to do it again, I would. In a heart beat. Because every tear shed these last nine years has been followed by a hearty smile. Every argument has been chased with compassionate love. (And let's face it, in nine years, there hasn't been an argument that I haven't won.) The 600 square foot house was replaced with a larger, prettier home. Filled with kids, toys and love.

So I toast you dear hubs. And I look forward to the next nine years. Because I figure there is still time to train you to pick up your own damn socks and learn how to put the f&*king toilet seat down. And maybe, if I'm really lucky, I can get you to put the cap back on the toothpaste. And I promise, one day soon, I will buy that french maid outfit. I might even wear it.


Blogger Emily said...

Aww, happy 9 years!

(I just freaking died...I was about to post something about French Maids, and a commercial came on the TV with several French maids in an elevator....and I totally lost my train of though...)

9:03 a.m.  
Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

Happy 9 years to you! That was a wonderfully written post!

I hope you & your hubs have a wonderful day!

9:41 a.m.  
Anonymous J. said...

Awwwww... that's nice!
Did you write this before the PMS struck?

10:23 a.m.  
Blogger Lindsay said...

Happy Anniversary!!!! Hope it is a wonderful day!

10:23 a.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Happy anniversary to you both!

Marriage is work...but it's a very rewarding job. Consider the alternative? Dating? Pfft. Yeah right!

I can't even imagine having to keep up with STD testing on a 3 month rotation and trying to keep names straight let alone having to shave my legs all the time. Oh hell no.

11:01 a.m.  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

Awesome post. Just lovely...

Wishing you 90 more years, a fridge full of beer, and an automatic toilet seat ( ;^)

11:30 a.m.  
Blogger It's okay, Sweetie said...

Now this was one nice post. It was post-a-riffic. I look forward to your blogs, Redneck Mommy. Me likey your writey.

This year I'm celebrating my 10th with hubby. And it's funny how we're still having the same arguments. Take the sock thing for example. Can't seem to make it to the hamper. Instead he balls them up and shoves them in the couch so I don't see 'em. So when he's getting dressed for work and complains he has no socks I reply "Check inside the couch".

Oh! Oh! And you'll be thrilled to know, new dog owner, that NOW the socks have dog hair on the bottom of the feet. Oh yes. Dirty socks with dog hair. If hell exists in afterlife, it's picking up sweaty, smelly socks with dog hair on the bottom of them. Excuse me...must go puke now...

11:45 a.m.  
Blogger Gette said...

Happy Anniversary!

12:20 p.m.  
Blogger Old MD Girl said...

Your hubs doesn't let you pick his zits? That is so unfair. That is practically a requirement for any man that wants to go out with me.

Happy 9 years!

2:46 p.m.  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Happy Nine Years!

This got me all sentimental and stuff. *sigh* Great post. :)

5:15 p.m.  
Blogger My float said...

God, you guys are so highly evolved. We're at 11 or 12 years or something (freaks me out, really) and we're STILL doing the small battles. Actually, we didn't have small battles before the small one came along.

So - congratulations. Not just on your anniversary but on the miraculous fact that you have won all arguments. Please run "How to win domestic disputes 101". Promise I'll be there.

5:21 p.m.  
Blogger moe said...

9 years and you haven't killed him over the socks or the toilet seat. Well maybe there's hope for us too.

6:28 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Happy Anniversary and I hope you have 60+ more years together.

7:38 p.m.  
Blogger L-Girl said...

Happy Anniversary! You really do have so much to celebrate:)

7:49 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


8:29 p.m.  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Oh this is so sweet (which is something I never say, but dammit it's true!)

10:28 p.m.  
Anonymous Izzy said...

The reality of marriage is slightly different than our hazy romantic visions.

Truer words were never spoken.

Happy Anniversary :)

10:47 p.m.  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Can't believe I missed this! (Head up own ass.) Happy Anniversary!

6:53 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How odd. You should move to my neighborhood. My cat is Cletus, my dog Brutus, and neighbor's dog Otis. You would obviously fit in here. Happy 9th!

11:53 a.m.  

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