Monday, February 12, 2007

New Definition of a Hot Dog

The stress of this past week has started to take it's toll on me. I've lost my appetite, I haven't slept well and I seem to have lost my drive to clean my house. (Alright, so I never had a drive to clean my house, but this is my post so shush!) After dealing with the fact that I've been banished from the family home, I decided to stop moping and just relax. Roll with the punches. So to speak.

Hee hee.

So I cracked open a bottle of red, grabbed a soft blanket and turned on the Grammy's. Can anyone please explain to me the phenomenon that is Justin Timberlake? He looks like a boy and he sounds like a girl. Don't get it.

I digress. After watching the assortment of hollywood's finest strut their stuff, and growing more tipsy relaxed with every sip of wine I took, I toddled off to bed.

Where I had the most incredibly erotic dreams. I dreamt of my husband coming home, taking me into his arms and well, let's just leave it at that. I'm supposed to be a mommy blog, not a soft core porn blog. And trust me, dear internet, the dream I had last night would make Jenna Jameson blush.

Just as my hubs, who magically looked like Clive Owen, but was still my darling Boo, was kissing my neck ever so softly and sensually, I woke up.

To find my damn dog spitting all over me.

Great, not only did I wake up to the crushing realization that I was still alone and not going to get any, especially not any from my husband who looked like Clive, but now I was covered in dog spit. While sleeping in sheets covered with dog hair.

Aren't I sexy.

So I did what any woman who has been alone for a month and hasn't seen a penis, I mean a man in a long time.

I closed my eyes and told Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog, Ever. to keep licking. A little to the left.

17 Comments:

Blogger dennis said...

LOL!!

At least you got slobbery dog luv!!

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gross, gross, gross, didnt you see that episode of nip/tuck....?

9:56 AM  
Blogger MamaMichelsBabies said...

Hehehe.. gross, but man, if Boo reads this, he needs to get home sooner rather then later!

Could have been worse... you could have woken up to one of the kiddos peeling your eyelid back, ripping you away from Clive/Hubby.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Eeeewwww!

Have you heard the urban legend of the woman, the jar of peanut butter and the dog? Yeah, me neither. ;)

12:10 PM  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

A woman called Buxom Beth one asked me: "If my pussy smells of tuna fish, how come my cat won't eat me out?"

I had no good answer to her question.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

You are hilarious!!

1:52 PM  
Blogger Ruthie Black naked said...

When you call yourself redneck,
you prove that you ain’t one.

To know yourself, you have to look in the mirror. No redneck ever looks in the mirror (this is why women ain’t rednecks). It’s the first step towards decency. A real picture would show you’re a white collared, Toyota drivin’, touch-typin’, web surfer.
True?
www.ruthieblacknaked.blogspot.com

2:25 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

Because everyone should like an ass-licker, right?

LMAO!

5:42 PM  
Blogger carrie said...

At least you were dreaming of Clive and not Justin, that would've made me throw up. I just don't get the fascination with JT either!

Hope your hubby is coming home soon!

Carrie

6:54 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

You're twisted.

Haha, anonymous-I thought the same thing. I wouldn't be surprised if T had a big ass jar of Jiffy peanut butter sitting beside the bed-for the long cold nights in Canada.

Now as far as JT goes? He's cute. Not my cup of tea, but...still, he's cuter than say....Joey Fatone.

I hope your husband comes home soon or I might have to FLAG this blog to the authorities for questionable content. All this talk of doin' it doggy style makes my eyes twitch.

7:29 PM  
Blogger jellyhead said...

T, I'm deeply concerned. You haven't forgotten that your mother-in-law is reading, have you???!!!

Now I know the real reason you love that dog so much!

7:56 PM  
Blogger Dr. Ethel said...

You crack me up!

8:00 PM  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

Clive Owen is indeed fabulous. I love those dreams, it's my hubby but it's not...

12:50 AM  
Blogger My float said...

I'm so hoping the adoption authorities aren't reading this!

5:18 AM  
Anonymous Bloor West Mama said...

Mental picture...mental picture

Very very funny.

6:37 AM  
Blogger Em said...

LOL..oh man, you need some lovin in a bad way!

8:06 AM  
Anonymous roxylynn said...

Eeewww! That's all I can say!

10:22 AM  

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