Friday, April 07, 2006

Wrestling with his demon

In a moment of true marital support, my hubs has taken pity on my snotty-state and decided to help around the house. Last night, he brought home supper, helped with the dishes and bathed the kids. All the while running to meet my needs, every time I opened my mouth to whine "Boo, can you...." He did all of this and with a smile on his handsome face too. How lucky am I?

I'll answer my own question. Pretty lucky. Let's face it, my husband may have gotten the short end of the marital stick last night. It's not like I'm at my hottest, what with the crusty boogers, red nose, and whiney attitude. And while we are talking appearances, I should mention the nasty nursing scrubs I was wearing, my hair hadn't been combed in two days and I wasn't wearing a bra. Amazing how far south two little A's can point. Not such a pretty picture, right dear internet?

Besides my beast-like appearance, my hubs kept slathering on the affection, like the well-trained husband he is. And this morning he proved what a darling he is when he got up to get the kids off to school, all while I lay in bed and whined some more.

I should have figured his patience was running thin when I pointed out the orange juice didn't have any pulp and I specifically asked for pulp. His jaw muscle started to twitch and his left eye started to water. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I sent back the toast my hubs had so kindly prepared for me. Not because I wasn't hungry, but because it was too brown at the edges. (I'll admit to being a cow about this, but who wants to eat burnt toast?)

After scraping my toast, he slammed down my plate and informed me he had somewhere to be. With a quick kiss to the top of my head, he scurried off like the rat he is. Leaving me to drag my ass off the couch to get my own water. Bastard. But as he left I swear I heard him muttering unkind words about me.

So if you see the crazy man on the park bench, muttering about killing his snotty-nosed wife, think back to this post. You might be seeing my husband. Who I have systematically driven crazy with my pathetic, sick, wifey demands.


Blogger Emily said...


You are about as good at being sick as I am, huh? I can do pain. I can do stress.....but sick turns me into the whiney-ass, crybaby, bitch from hell.

I'd offer to come take care of ya...but I'm sick too...and we'd probably just annoy the shit out of each other....


9:45 a.m.  
Anonymous Kristen said...

dude. you have to draw it out as long as possible. this is great. no housework - I think I'm getting a cold right now.

11:18 a.m.  
Blogger David said...

for one moment i am happy to be divorced.. you're a peach!

4:44 p.m.  
Anonymous Dorkette said...

Not easily impressed, eh? Your poor husband.... LOL

I read your 100 Things.... Ahhh, Melissa Etheridge... I love her, and now I having "Precious Pain" playing in my head.

Sigh. All melancholy now.

Via Michele...

5:18 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You better get well soon. I'd hate to see a man cry.

8:35 p.m.  
Blogger Carmi said...

I'll bring him some tissue if I bump into him in the park.

Thanks for making us laugh. We've all, unfortunately, been there. I hope you feel all better soon.

9:44 a.m.  
Blogger Leslie Shelor said...

You're entitled to a little whiney once in awhile.

Thanks for visiting via Michele!

9:50 a.m.  
Blogger kenju said...

I just get well from an episode of the flu and a sinus infection, and mr. kenju did as well as your guy...LOL. He was fine at it for 2-3 days and then he flaked out!

Michele sent me.

11:15 a.m.  
Blogger craziequeen said...

Men make terrible patients, so when us girlies get sick, we need to make the most of it just to even the score!!

You're lucky, yours even began well - I still cook and clean when I'm sick...... :-((


2:16 p.m.  
Anonymous Ivy said...

Lucky you are! My husband always has to be worse off than I am.. No matter what.. he can be 100% healthy.. but you let me get sick.. and suddenly he is way sicker..

Michele Sent me..

hope you are feeling better!

10:02 p.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

It's ok that you're sick and whining cause GOD only knows what we have to deal with when our husbands/SO's are sick and whiney.

And we all know, no matter how bad we are....we're not even scratching the surface as far as they go.

Hope you feel better soon !

10:23 p.m.  
Blogger stebbijo said...

Michelle sent me?

10:27 p.m.  
Blogger FuzzBuck Fuzz said...

Michele sent me. Excellent post & nice blog. You misheard him by the way - he was whispereing sweet nothings, not muttering under his breathe ;)

10:37 p.m.  
Blogger Mom101 said...

When you are sick, you have every right to demand pulpy juice, perfectly toasted toast, and six hour foot massages if that's what will make you feel better. You get his butt back in front of that toaster, PRONTO!

3:11 p.m.  
Blogger ninepounddictator said...

I agree with Kirsten!
It's in our DNA to drag out our begging and see how far we can get away with - being sick or not!
I think you did pretty good. At least I was very impressed! I wouldn't have lasted even a quarter as long as your hubby, that's for sure!
Hope you're feeling better!

7:36 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

My first husband was very whiny when he was sick. You're so funny.

8:28 p.m.  

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