Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Of Mice And Men

My house is in panic mode, currently under lockdown. Why? Because there is a mouse in my house. (Hee hee, that sounds so dirty when I say it.) And there is only room enough under this roof for one type of rodent. One of us has to go. And seeing as how I'm bigger, it's time for Stuart Little to pack up and find new digs. I am not adopting a mouse. I spent most of Monday and all of yesterday with one mission in mind: Mouse murder. But I am not exactly schooled in the black arts of pest control, so I had some learning to do.

Warning: be careful of the Google when typing in mouse, mice, trap, or mouse control. You would think I'd have landed on some reputable rodent killing sites or perhaps the odd computer geek site, but no, surprisingly not. Apparently, when someone asks if you've clicked your mouse lately, they are referring to you er, lady parts.

I was educated. But not in rodent control.

Finally, with some luck and some perseverance, I found what I needed to know. Now it was for supplies. After walking into one of the big box hardware stores, I was stunned. I stared at row after row of pest control. Who knew there were so many ways to off a furry little mammal. I wasn't sure if I was up to this.

Poison was out, because with my luck my nephew, the Worm, or Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog, Ever. would find it and eat it, thereby poisoning themselves, leaving me with untold amounts of guilt, a dead loved one and still a mouse in my house. (Still sounds dirty when I type it, hee hee.)

Those damn sticky tabs where the mouse walks on them and is stuck, starving to death just freak me out. Back in the days of my youth, when I managed a movie theatre to pay for school, we had an exterminator come in once a month for pest control. Those sticky tabs were his weapon of choice. At the time I thought they were cool, until I came upon one, with a mouse attached. Poor thing had ripped off his face in his attempt to free himself. It was an image I could live with out and have no need of experiencing again.

As I sat there, baffled and bewildered by all the choices before me, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. I shook myself out of my moment of self-pity and reminded myself that there were vermin living in my NEW home; vermin carrying all types of disease and filth. I may call myself a redneck, but I am a clean freak redneck. No mouse is going to tarnish that image.

I had visions of getting out the hubs gun and going Rambo on his furry little ass. But then I remembered reading this article and decided to leave the guns locked up in the gun safe. With my luck, I'd do worse than that dumb ass Donald did. If only I were blessed with my sister's aptitude for rodent execution. She has a gift for being able to off the furry little creatures with out even trying.

It all started when she was eight years old and trying to clean her gerbil cage. She put both her precious pets in a bucket while she cleaned the cage. The little buggers managed to climb out of the bucket and scurry away in a mad dash for freedom. She yelled for me to come help, and me being the darling 11 year old I was, moseyed along, not terribly concerned by the panic in her voice. I happened upon her just in time to see her trip on her socks (which weren't pulled up properly) and land on her knees. With one gerbil under each knee. Twitching. She was horrified and I couldn't stop laughing. I still smile when I remember that image...hee hee.

Alas, that wasn't a gift I inherited. I was going to have to do this the old fashioned way. But I knew that with a regular mouse trap, there would be problems. I'd live in fear of hearing that dreaded 'Snap!' as it crushed the neck of some unsuspecting mouse. There would be no way I could bring myself to dispose of the carcass, and I don't think I'd be able to bribe my chitlens to do it for me.

That left me with only one option. The mouse house. (I can see my husband rolling his eyeballs now.) The little critter can mosey on in, and voila! Problem solved. It will be like a science project for Fric and Frac. They will have an up close opportunity to study some wild life, before I drop him off at the neighbour's yard, I mean outside.

Forty smackers later, and I was the proud owner of my first mouse trap. Now the battle begins. It is on, little mouse. Our own little version of Patriot Games.

Bring it little rat, let's see who wins.

BWHAHAHAHAHA

25 Comments:

Blogger MamaMichelsBabies said...

Leave it in the lil winked neighbors yard... tit for tat you know... or piss for mouse...however you want to look at it ;)

8:59 a.m.  
Blogger toyfoto said...

My friend's mom use to have a squirrel problem. She bought Have-a-Heart traps, caught the critters and then drowned them in the inground pool.

Why bother? Because other methods of rodent demise are messy and when turned loose they just come back.

9:56 a.m.  
Blogger Above Average Joe said...

Peanut Butter. That's what I use. (And a snap trap, sorry). I tried peanut butter with the sticky pads with no luck.

P.S. If you didn't write "mouse in my house" a second time, I wouldnt have gotten it. Very cute.

10:35 a.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

You won't kill it.

You'll see that helpless mouse sitting there and you'll begin a conversation with it because let's be honest here-Nixon isn't buying what you're selling these days and you're lonely. The mouse will become your friend. You'll name it, just as that kid did in the movie "Ben". You'll make it a box and the kids will love it. You'll start dressing in black and become like this gothic chick with a mouse running around the house. It'll start eating out of Nixon's bowl while Nixon [who is NOT the worlds greatest dog, EVER according to my DAN] is enjoying his kibble.

I can see this happening and well, you need help. If I hear you shaved your head I'll be forced to takes sides with the MIL and mother and have you committed. Ya Weirdo.

10:53 a.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh good, you got the humane traps. They may carry the plague, but I just can't hurt a wee mouse. They might have a wee mouse family somewhere. With wee mouse children and a wee mouse wife, who is pissed off that she's left behind to watch the kids while the mouse in your house is living it up and eating Cheetos out of your cabinets...

11:40 a.m.  
Blogger jmvanwinkle said...

Good luck with your "experiment". I'd love to see a photo of your captured mouse...and hear the story. Should be hilarious. You could always take it to the hillbillies next door...and put it in their cars. I'm sure they're used to living with rodents. :)

12:29 p.m.  
Blogger creative-type dad said...

We had a field mouse in our garage for awhile. We tried a few 'humane traps' that didn't work. He was pooping all over the place - it was gross. I finally broke down and used an old broom and shovel.

He's not pooping anymore!!
(mwah-ha! ha! ha! haaaa!!)

1:02 p.m.  
Anonymous tanya said...

My husband swears by apple sauce on bread and snap traps. He puts them under the stove. No mater where in the house we hear the mice they always end up under the stove.

This is the number one reason I can not divorce my hubby. Yeah there are others but no matter how annoyed I get I just have to think "Who would remove the dead mice" and I'm back to loving him.

1:13 p.m.  
Blogger Whirlwind said...

Just make sure if you release him, do it across the road or they'll come back. I am so used t ogetting mice in the house. We live in New England and have stone walls..'nuff said.


The worst was 2 years ago, we had a young rat come in (still grosses me out). The worst part was, it liked my clothes drawers. Expecially my undies drawer. Yuck!

1:21 p.m.  
Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

You...must...kill...you...must.

Seriously. Neighbor's gonna catch it and throw it back to you. CTD and toyfoto know what they're talking about.

We had an opossum invite itself to live in our garage. I nicely issued a restraining order of which Mr. countdown-to-death ignored. I may not hit a golf ball straight but I sure as hell can double-eagle a varmint.

1:58 p.m.  
Blogger ECR said...

We have WAY more than one mouse in our house, and I can just imagine them all clamoring for space, nice and cozy, in that green plastic thing. Nope, those accomodations are a little too high class for our population of vermin. I live in Whirlwind's neck of the woods, with the same kind of stone foundation, and keeping mice out is a Herculean task even under the best of circumstances. Hopefully your mouse-man is single and easy to catch :)

2:05 p.m.  
Blogger Wendy said...

While the cat is a good defense against the mouse, she doesnt clean up her mess. I feel for you without a man in the house for such long periods of time. Hubby is the one that must kill and remove the dead bodies.

I shut the door on a dead mouse in the downstairs bathroom and ran upstairs everytime I had to go. As soon as hubby walked in the door he had a job to do. I tried my hardest to pick it up, but just couldnt do it. Not even with a broom and dust pan.

3:16 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's not so bad to have fric & frac help you with this one- my 1,2 &3 love to empty my traps-I don't touch them. The great white hunter doesn't understand why Martha Freakin Stewart has a problem with a little mouse trap
If you want to borrow him he's all yours and then maybe we can see how Great he actually is
he he he

3:34 p.m.  
Blogger dennis said...

I'd suggest a Rat Snake or a Gardner Snake but people tend to shy away from these cuties...

But nothing beats a snake for getting the mouse of the house!!

good luck!

7:02 p.m.  
Blogger crazymumma said...

I have visited I think once before. And I only just now found out why you started blogging. Bug.

Sharing your memory of him is such an honour to read. He will be remembered by everyone who reads your words.

sigh. and what above average joe said. Also try stuffing all holes in the kitchen with steel wool.

7:12 p.m.  
Blogger Redneck Mommy said...

Toyfoto...I couldn't use my pool for such nefarious purposes.

KimmyK-shush! I am a weirdo, but you love me, and Dan can suck goats nuts. Nixon is the WORLD's GREATEST DOG, EVER. Period.

And Martha Freakin Stewart...since the Great White Hunter is legally obligated to be my family, I may take you up on that offer. Or at least steal 1, 2 and 3, and let them teach Fric and Frac how to take care of business.

And I just can't beat a mouse to death with a broom. Sure, I can hurl hammers at my hubs head, but that is different!

9:06 p.m.  
Blogger Em said...

Oh man, we've had/have mouse on occasion. We've tried various methods. Sadly, the snap traps have been the most effective, by far. We hate killing them, but we hate having them in the house even more.

9:27 p.m.  
Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

nice. a mouse smack-down....good luck getting him gone.

LOL at creative dad...

12:29 a.m.  
Blogger Mel said...

Good luck with the mouse hunt. Hopefully the humane trap will do the job. We had a field mouse get in our basement in CO. I caught it in my daughter's butterfly net (with much shreiking and flailing around)I put it in a box and released it out in the greenspace behind our house. My husband doesn't do animals. I won't even mention the skunk in the laundry room of our first apartment that I had to investigate while he watched safely from behind the sliding glass door.

4:39 a.m.  
Anonymous Maddmomma said...

Mouse cheese for you...have fun tracking down the little bugger.

A fellow received a mouse for his birthday and he loved it so much that he never parted with it. He took this mouse everywhere, to work, to parties, to the opera... One day, a good friend of his died and so he went to pay his respects. Naturally, he took the mouse, which was perched on his shoulder.
On his way home, he suddenly realized that the mouse was gone! He retraced all his moves for the day and realised that the last place he had seen the mouse was at the funeral. He raced back across town, but it was too late. The mouse must have jumped off his shoulder while he was sitting in the hearse. He spoke to the funeral directors, but they couldn't find it: it had completely vanished.
The man was filled with grief as he remembered an old adage his mother had told him time and time again as a kid:
Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse.

5:19 a.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicken said...

That trap is cool! I had mice in my loft and in my last house. The first two times I trapped them by hand with a broom and a bucket and let them go. The third time I got an exterminator.

I'll keep this trap in mind - we back up to a cornfield!

6:59 a.m.  
Anonymous roxylynn said...

Good luck with your mouse hunting. Just remember to check on your little mouse house frequently. Don't leave it for a week and then wonder where that funky smell is coming from. Cuz bestfriends or not, I am NOT coming to dispose of it!

10:36 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have caught a couple mice with the have a heart traps, but I wasterrified of letting them loose. I that for sure they would run up my leg. A friend came up with a solution, place the trap next to your tail pipe and leave the car running for 10 minutes. They will look like they are sleeping and can be easly disposed of.

good Luck
R.

10:47 a.m.  
Blogger radioactive girl said...

We had mice and after trying the humane traps I finally had to resort to calling "a guy" who could take care of it. I still like to think of him as going into our basement and scolding the mice once a month to just stay outside, but I know he is killing them. Makes me want to cry! I hope you get better results!

12:45 p.m.  
Anonymous daisydee said...

Cute house! Again though don't you have a cat?

As for poison. You have to put it where the worm and nix won't get to it. Silly girl. It's not like a fruit bowl on the counter!

Or maybe I'm old school...lol.

6:14 a.m.  

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