Saturday, December 23, 2006

Merry Christmas - Now Pass Me My Puns...

It's been a rough couple of days out in my neck of the woods. Boo has been facing a worrisome health scare (he is fine), my dad's new teeth make him puke and I fell on my ass in front of a bunch of handsome men, and not one of them volunteered to pick my sorry ass up off the ground. Not only did I bruise my pride, but my ego took a beating too.

Then there was the Christmas concert from hell for Fric. An hour and a half of listening to grades six, seven and eight students butcher various Christmas melodies. It was like listening to a cat screech - in stereo, for a really long time. And the school didn't provide liquor to dull the pain.

The next day was the concert for my son Frac. His class had a lovely performance and the only butchered melody at this school was when the grade three's whipped out their recorders. I, however, wept like a grieving war bride when they trotted out the kindergarteners for their class production. Most people chuckled and laughed at the requisite fidgeting, butt scratching and nose picking, but I couldn't stem the flow of tears when they started singing "Away in A Manger."

Bug was supposed to be in that Kindergarten class this year.


But the shopping is done, the gifts are wrapped and the only Christmas task I have left to perform is to supervise the assembly of the gingerbread house tonight. While not getting frustrated because I can't get the walls to stand up and stick together. Of course, it will probably help if I didn't supervise while slightly tipsy, but where's the fun in that?

I'm signing off on a holiday break now. I plan on spending the next few days alternating between various stages of drunken debauchery, and full on crying. Perhaps both at the same time. I have already stocked up on the red wine and the kleenex.

I will be back sometime after boxing day. Hung over, I'm sure, and loaded with embarrassing tales of Christmas woes.

Until then, have a Merry Christmas everyone!

Unlike my children, I believe in quality over quantity (with the exception of alcoholic beverages) so as my Christmas gift to you, I dug up a fabulously stinky pun for my friends.

Enjoy the cheese!

And like a little gift found in the toe of your stocking, I give you this:

Who hides in the pantry at Christmas time?

A mince spy.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

My boss always gets the the end of the last of the Christmas concerts unable to say anything other than "They spend half the year on this and they still stink."

A very merry Christmas, to you. And for the boys who didn't lift a finger for the damsel in distress ... may their peckers shrivel up and fall off.

-- toyfoto, Ittybits & Pieces.

7:09 p.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Much much love to you and your family this Christmas (notice the double much's for extra emphasis). I'll tip a glass, or three, for you this holiday and say a toast for a larger family for you in '07. That is, if I can string a coherent sentence together after multiple bottles of wine.

(and I double toyfoto's sentiments about the asshats who didn't help you up. Supreme Asshats.)

7:41 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May your Christmas be Merry and your New Year filled with peace and happiness.


10:28 p.m.  
Blogger Jenifer said...

Merry Christmas T. Keep your chin up. Your little bug is watching you from up there with all the other angels ;) You continue to entertain and inspire me with your writing and I look forward to what the new year brings.


5:58 a.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Ok so let me get this straight-

you're taking a break til what? boxing day? wtf is boxing day? and more importantly WHEN is boxing day? i guess you can take a break but no one asked me about this. no one ever asks me anything anymore these days.

as for the boys lookin' at you all sprawled out like a train wreck i'm sure you were still a hot mess.

Merry CHRISTMAS to you and your family!

8:19 a.m.  
Blogger L-Girl said...

Merry Christmas to you too T!

So glad you stocked up on the red wine.

I might have to do the same!

1:02 p.m.  
Blogger Junebugg said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May you get everything you want and want everything you get

7:18 p.m.  
Blogger Firestarter5 said...

Merry Christmas Redneck Mom!

7:30 p.m.  
Blogger ECR said...

Merry freakin' Christmas, lady. Although I guess Merry freakin' Boxing Day would be more appropriate, considering I'm always late to the party. Here's to strong wine and strong Kleenex.

2:35 p.m.  
Blogger Daisydee said...

You got way awesome jokes sista.

Hope your Christmas was great!!

4:19 p.m.  
Blogger Weekends Off said...

Oh that was a good bit of cheese! I love your jokes.

I hope that you had a nice Christmas and that you have a wonderful new year. Do you have any idea when the little bundle will arrive?

9:48 a.m.  

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