Sunday, December 10, 2006

Pass the Puns, Please

Since the hubs is out of town, busting his bottom to bring home my bacon, I had to attend my sister's best friend's wedding solo last night. It was an odd experience watching the lady I have known since she was four years old, say "I do" to a man I used to work with. Odder still, was the fact that many of my old co-workers were in attendance and none of them seemed to have changed. At all.

It was a lovely wedding, and a lovely reception. I managed to stay sober, and sadly that means I remember the awful jerking I did that was supposed to pass as dancing out on the dance floor. I'll admit, I was the one in the polka dot dress that looked like she had a medical condition, spazzing out there to Bob Seger.

It's a painful memory.

So to ease my pain, and perhaps inflict a little myself, I present to you this week's cheese. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, lie or try and pass it off as anything than the groaner it is. But know that when you read it, this still isn't as painful as witnessing me try to do the Macarena.

Enjoy!



Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

You're gonna LOVE me for this....

The third piggy says -


"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

15 Comments:

Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

Have either Fric or Frac nail you with a snowball for that one, young lady!

12:10 PM  
Blogger Gette said...

I need a beer...

12:46 PM  
Blogger Motherkitty said...

Pardon me while I leave my keyboard to go wee, wee, wee in the bathroom (it's either the thought of drinking lots of beer or the Lasix I took this morning). Gee, that beer goes well with crackers and cheese.

1:08 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:17 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Oh I bet all the ex coworkers will be talkin' about you tomorrow morning around the water cooler.

"Can you believe the way she was dancing?"

"Yeah, I can. But I couldn't believe she was dancing on the table, rubbing her hands on her ass that way and pulling on her own nipple rings while licking her lips thinking she was Tawny Kitaen".

Yeah. It's probably a good thing you don't work with them anymore.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Daisydee said...

You are WAY too funny!!

5:00 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

When I go to my company's Holiday Party and attempt to do some form of dancing myself, I'm going to remember this story so that I can laugh about it and not think about the way I am ...uh ... dancing!

6:53 PM  
Blogger creative-type dad said...

I laughed to hard, now I need to go wee

10:36 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm trying to picture you shakin' your groove thang to "Old Time Rock and Roll".

Okay, got it.

That image will keep me laughing all day long.

7:02 AM  
Blogger Permanently under construction said...

This one's not for kids...

A man, a cat and an ostridge walk into a bar. They sit down and the waiter asks the what they'd like. The man says: "I'll have a pint." The ostridge says: "I'll have a pint." The cat says: "I'll have a half-pint. And I'm not paying!".

The next day, the same thing happens, The man orders a pint. The ostridge orders a pint, and the cat says "I'll have a half-pint. And I'm not paying!".

When the same thing happens again on the third day, curiosity gets the better of the waiter and he asks the man: "What's with your cat? He always orders a half-pint and then refuses to pay?"

The man answers him: "Well, one day I happened upon a magic lamp uried in the sand. I rubed it, and out came a genie. It told me I could have a single wish. I should have thought harder before I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

8:10 AM  
Blogger CuteBeachGirl said...

The pig smiling is the creepiest thing about the whole post. I bet you looked alright in your polka dotted dress...

12:15 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicken said...

Groooooaaaaaa ... where do you GET this stuff? You should hang out with my FIL. I thought he was the only human being left on earth who still tells jokes.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

This was a cute pun...But the picture of the last pig was creepy although I've seen the picture before. It still creeps me out.

4:46 AM  
Blogger dennis said...

the giggling pig with the manic grin!!!

you are forgiven for the joke with that picture alone...

8:29 AM  
Anonymous roxylynn said...

Oh my goodness! Where did you find the pictures? I LMAO!!

11:45 AM  

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