Thursday, November 30, 2006

'Tis the Season

With the Christmas season fast approaching, that means one thing.

Well, I suppose it means more than one thing, but for the purposes of this post, just roll with me people. Thanks.

With the Christmas season fast approaching, that means one thing.

Decorations. From the day after Thanksgiving (and for us Canucks that means mid-October) the holiday decorations go up in all the stores and malls. Every where you look you see the sparkle and twinkle of this holiday season. Which, for me, means that I am unable to take my children anywhere during this time.

Because what ten and nine year old do you know who needs more encouragement to get excited about the prospect of ripping open parcels on a cold winter's morning, while gorging themselves on vast amounts of chocolates and other assorted goodies, all in the name of the season?

Certainly, not mine. Which means whenever I need to take them out in public with me, I have to put a paper bag over their heads. Kidding. I only wish I could put the paper bag over their heads. (And duct tape over their mouths sometimes too, but my therapist and the police tell me this is a bad thing...)

I digress.

In our house, the decorations go up on Dec. 1. Regardless of temperature, blizzards, or general apathy, the tinsel is tossed the first day of December. My kids can count on this the same way they can count on the sun rising in the east and their mother looking like a hideous hag with a matching disposition every morning.

Which means digging out the damn decorations. Which, of course, are stored outside in a shed, buried underneath an assortment of crap that my darling husband has managed to toss on top of the boxes during the course of the year.

This is my husband's favorite job, every year. (Sarcasm, dear internet.) He absolutely loves having to pack in a seemingly endless parade of Rubbermaid containers and cardboard boxes. He manages to make it so fun, what with all his colorful cussing and boundless bitching. Once he dumps all the boxes in our front foyer, he then heads for the hills. Where it is safer for him; for by this time, I have had enough of whining and I'm generally ready to hurt him.

All in the name of the Christmas spirit, of course.

So last night, as I casually mentioned it was once again that time of year as we were cuddling on the couch, I was mentally prepared for the barrage of bad words and negativity I felt sure I was to encounter.

However, my darling Boo decided to shake things up a bit. Put some spice in our marriage. Toss me a curve ball...I could go on, but in the interest of brevity, I think you get my point.

Instead of acting like a whiny two year old coming off a sugar high and in desperate need of a nap, he pleasantly commented that he couldn't wait for the Christmas decorations to go up.

Startled, (and I admit, a bit pleasantly surprised) I asked him why.

(Cue the dumbass card now, folks.)

His response:

Because every time I put up the decorations, I clean the house afterwards. And it's getting a bit dusty. If I hadn't noticed.

Don't worry, dear internet. I didn't maim him. Although, no jury would find me guilty after that remark and my years of wiping up his pee splatter and picking up his dirty socks for him.

No, I just did what any good wife would do.

I went to bed and dreamt of Clive Owen. Dusting my house. While wearing a Santa's cap and sporting strategically placed tinsel...

Thanks Boo. That was just the type of encouragement I needed to get in the festive spirit.


Blogger toyfoto said...

Does he NOT know that he will get COAL in his stocking for that?

You are a saint.

9:46 a.m.  
Anonymous Rhea said...

The approach of Christmas means just one thing for me. Roll with me here, people. Sitting back and relaxing 'cause I'm Jewish and I don't have to do a darned thing about Xmas except enjoy all the lights y'all strung up all over the place!

9:54 a.m.  
Blogger Junebugg said...

Dang, couldn't you find a picture of Clive (with tinsel!) to go with this post?

11:06 a.m.  
Anonymous roxylynn said...

Mmmm, Clive Owen... He can come over to my house and put up Christmas decorations, dust, leave dirty socks on the floor, or pee on my toilet seat any time!!

Have fun!!

11:07 a.m.  
Blogger J. said...

I spent two hours outside last night in the fog and rain, trying to sort out the mess of cords husband made while creating his outdoor 'masterpiece' (his words), without getting electrocuted.
So yah, I can't wait to put the tree up on Sunday. LOL...

11:11 a.m.  
Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

I've been banned from helping with our X-mas tree. My daughter has learned WAY too many X-mas X-words over the years due to X-mas XXXXXX-tree lights.

And I don't pee on the edge of the toilet. I have perfect aim.

Who is Clive Owen?

11:50 a.m.  
Blogger dennis said...

ooooh! hey, can you come down to the USofA and put up or decors too?

I'll leave the duster in the tree!!



what a mar-ooooon!

12:05 p.m.  
Anonymous Mrs.ben & bennie said...

My husband is a liar in regards to one thing in his post. I'll let you ladies figure that one out.

2:13 p.m.  
Blogger jellyhead said...

I can't believe you held your tongue. Boo, SHAME SHAME!

Now Clive Owen is definitely a man for all seasons....and from your description, especially the festive season!

2:55 p.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Tell Boo when he puts up Christmas decorations it puts you in the "giving spirit". He'll be so excited thinking he's going to get some that he won't say another word.

I'm so smart.

4:32 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I can't believe you didn't maim Boo...just kidding. Who is this Cleve guy? You should have posted a picture of him in his festive tinsel. hehehe

6:24 p.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I would have left out the tinsel from that dream.

Tell your darling husband that he's lucky to be alive after a comment like that and then have another nice dream about naked men wearing Santa hats.

7:02 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't drip on the floor anymore.

She trained me to sit.

8:41 p.m.  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

So, um, WHERE, exactly, did that tinsel hang? Did it hold up nicely?

8:58 p.m.  
Blogger ECR said...

I have no right even commenting on this post, as my husband could only dream of a house that was a little "dusty." Tell Boo it can be much, much worse.

9:17 p.m.  
Blogger My float said...

I'm surprised you didn't take that tree and stick it up his star right there and then!

10:29 p.m.  
Anonymous jess said...

happy holidays to you!

12:01 a.m.  
Blogger stefanierj said...

Oh, I thought you were going to sic Nixon's buttlicking skillz on Boo. That seems like a worthy threat to keep in mind, though.

1:18 p.m.  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

God you crack me up. That is so funny and no jury would POSSIBLY convict you if you decided that certain parts of your boo's body needed to be removed and reattached elsewhere. I'm still laughing. Hahahahha ...

1:19 p.m.  
Anonymous mamatulip said...


Sweet dreams indeed.

2:15 p.m.  
Blogger Motherkitty said...

You are way tooo funny for your own good. After that remark, I would have stripped, added those few pieces of tinsel in a few strategic places, got a duster, and leaned over to clean the TV in front of him. And, then, and only then, would I have told him to dust himself off if he wanted "anything else."

My philosophy is, if something is dusty or dirty, and it bothers you, get up off your bloomin' arse and clean it. Don't wait for me to do it for you.

As for the Christmas decorations, I have learned that if I suggest that I want to do something, husband will jump into the fray and start doing it without my participation. He usually puts up the tree the week before Christmas. Two days ago I said I was going to put up the tree today and asked that he retrieve the box with the tree from the garage. Lo and behold he started cleaning out the corner where the tree will go -- all by himself and I didn't have to lift a finger. I'll bet I can get him to complete the job all by himself. What do you think?

Don't kill your hubby until after you get your Christmas presents.

1:37 a.m.  
Blogger Daisydee said...

Clive Owen??

Why not Tommy Lee?? He is HOT!!!


4:33 p.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Alright Lazy's 10:39am on Sunday.

Where's my pun,damnit? You know I live for Sundays for this.

8:40 a.m.  

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