Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Shoot Me Please. It Would Hurt Less And Be Quicker...


After a night of wishing I would just hurry up and die already, pleas for mercy which God seemed fit to ignore, it appears that I have a day of illness and misery to face. Alone, with a nine month old baby who is teething and constipated. A baby, whom I love very much, but whom I would rather just give to the first friendly face I see today.

Won't my sister appreciate that?

When I stumbled to the kids rooms, alternating between moaning and cursing, my darling children shrieked and told me they have never seen me so ugly looking.

Just what I needed to hear first thing in the morning to motivate my diseased ass first thing in the morning.

Any one want any children? They're cute, skilled at hiding dirty socks in the oddest places, ignoring the chunks of food on the dishes they are supposed to be cleaning and generally just smearing dirt around to help give the house a new look.

Best of all, they're FREE.

Kidding. I jest. It must be the lack of sleep due to the pain of the sore throat, inner ear infection and all around crap-tastic feeling one acquires when living with the plague.

Even Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog. Ever, is giving me a wide berth. Sure, he loved me when I may have had worms crawling out my ass, but swollen lymph nodes and horking up loogies apparently offends his delicate sensibilities.

Traitor. I'm sooo buying him the generic brand of doggie biscuits next time.

So please excuse this pathetic, whiny post. I'm all alone and I don't have my husband to whine too. I don't dare breathe near my children, or I will be dealing with this virus for weeks. Nobody likes trading disease like trading baseball cards.

Forgive my inarticulate ramblings, I'm still wishing for death.

Pray for a quick end to this people. Or at least for me to feel well enough to once again torture my beautiful children....

20 Comments:

Anonymous Jojo said...

Sorry to hear you're sick. I bet you would feel better if you called an old friend who you rarely get to talk to...

8:28 AM  
Blogger something blue said...

Yes, horde all those germs but get rid of them quickly.

Feel better because you do need revenge on your children for their shrieks.

8:43 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

It's cause you don't wash your hands after you pee that's why you're sick.

*crinkles nose*

Sorry to hear you're sick. But you'll be glad to hear I am healthy as a horse my friend. No sickness around here. And that's because I wash my hands thank you very much.

Get well soon. *cheesey grin*

And word on the street has it that your best.dog.EVER is lookin' at ya like that cause your breath stinks.

xoxo

10:52 AM  
Blogger sillychick said...

Yes, we here in Ohio are very much healthy, aren't we KimmyK? Hmmm, must be a canadian thang.

Really, though, I hope you feel better soon. It would be nice to spread the germs to the kids if they lived away from you, but seeing as how their sickness would somehow be worse on you, stick to the Lysol way.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Denice said...

Hope you feel better soon! It's such a nice chinook day today after all that cold, it's a shame to be stuck inside sick.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Prayin' hard for you, sister. (And? Shouldn't Nixon recognize that solidarity with mistress in time of need only strengthens his position as canine ruler of the household? he needs to re-read his machiavelli.)

12:47 PM  
Blogger jellyhead said...

Being sick as a mom is CRAP - you feel like death, but you still have to get up and keep going (especially if your husband is away/at work etc).

Hope you feel better very soon!

1:40 PM  
Blogger ECR said...

How you can compose such a coherent and funny post while in such a state is beyond me. I'd be curled up on the couch with the baby in a play pen while Baby Einstein did the babysitting. My prayers would be between me and The Big Guy and I doubt he'd get a coherent sentence out of the bunch :)

2:07 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

It's a special kind of hell when you are sick and have to tend to your children. It's another special kind of hell altogether to have to mind someone else's child as well.

Hang in.

2:38 PM  
Blogger stefanierj said...

Uuuuh, all I'm saying is older children = waitstaff.

They don't need to get close enough to catch it to bring you chicken soup and the remote and be quiet and let you enjoy your stories. Good heavens, woman, you MUST be delirious.

Get well soon!

3:56 PM  
Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

It's cause you don't wash your hands after you pee that's why you're sick.

*crinkles nose*

Sorry to hear you're sick. But you'll be glad to hear I am healthy as a horse my friend. No sickness around here. And that's because I wash my hands thank you very much.

Get well soon. *cheesey grin*

And word on the street has it that your best.dog.EVER is lookin' at ya like that cause your breath stinks.

xoxo


Snort! Sorry t. I'll quit laughing now. I do hope you feel better soon. If it helps I know that Ben can still out-hock your loogie.

5:13 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I say you should use Nixon as a snot rag. For reals. He's small enough and I'm betting his fur is softer than a whole box of Puffs Plus tissue.

5:16 PM  
Blogger Em said...

Feel better soon...at least enough to torture the kids! After all, that is why we have kids, right? :)

8:02 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Here I am, day 2 of checking in on you. Because I care.

Are you still sick?
Still hacking up one of your lungs?

My mom always use to make this concoction of mixing hot tea, honey and putting a little bit of butter in a cup and making us drink it slowly. It was the "cure all" in our house.

I bet you're still lookin' like a hot mess. Even if your nose is red and dripping and your breath smells of that rancid throw up smell.

I seriously need to look into writing greeting card captions.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Motherkitty said...

Winter colds are the worst, aren't they? Hope that chicken soup makes you feel better sooner than later. I'm surprised your sister lets you babysit her small child with you in such dire straits!!! My fingers are crossed that your kids don't come down with the crud but you know how germs are -- they are the gift that keeps on giving. Unselfish little buggers. Echo kimmyk -- wash your hands, wash your hands, and wash your hands == and everything else you touch, especially if you're touching your mucus membranes.

Feel better. (Still trying to figure out how she can remain funny while sick. I always get nasty and out of sorts when I'm ill.)

6:02 AM  
Blogger J. said...

I'll be back when you look a little better.

7:08 AM  
Anonymous AZ said...

I'm sick too. I want to thank my significant other's niece for turning me into a snot factory! She coughed and coughed and never once covered her mouth, or washed her hands. Thank you Jade, for making me the miserable mess that I am. Thank you.

11:31 AM  
Blogger dennis said...

sorry you're feeling so awful...just to forwarn you, I don't do illness (mine or others) well...I will need to grab some wipes and attack the keyboard next...


Feel Better Soon!!

7:38 AM  
Anonymous roxylynn said...

Hope you feel better soon, but thanks for staying home and not spreading your infectious diseases.
Make yourself a hot tottie- hot brandy with a little brown sugar. That'll fix you.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Online Casinos said...

It is very a pity to me, that I can help nothing to you. But it is assured, that you will find the correct decision. Do not despair.

6:57 PM  

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