Pass the Puns, Please
Good morning to all my cheery internet friends!
As a current single parent, (thanks to my husband trading me in for his band of merry men in his attempt to chase the almighty dollar) I have had many a sleepless night. Let me tell you, when you are accustomed to crawling into bed to snuggle and molest a large, beautiful, blonde man and all you find is a short, hairy, flatulent dog (and my apologies to the many of you out there who think I am either describing their husbands or themselves...) the night can be rather long.
It could be worse, I suppose. Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog. Ever, has been my knight in shining armour. Without his annoying snuffles and soft snoring, I might go mad at the thought of climbing into that vast, lonely bed for yet another eight hour reminder of who (and what) is missing.
However, a gassy dog is a stinky dog, and my nose has been assaulted regularly since the absence of my man. Which has meant a lot of time staring at the computer screen while I should have been catching my beauty sleep.
The upside is, I have found some remarkably stinky fromage to pass along.
So while I am off to yawn, stretch and drink copious amounts of caffeinated beverages to stay functional for a long day of being trapped inside with my sweet, frenetic children, please enjoy le fromage. Served from me to you with a yawn and a groan...
While shopping at a local toy store, John came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As he scanned the line, he noticed his friend, Wally, waiting with all the others.
Knowing that Wally had no daughters or young relatives, John figured that Wally must like the dolls himself.
"Wally, I didn't know you were a collector!"
"I'm not," Wally replied
.
"Then why are you standing in this long line?"
"Well, I've never been able to resist a barbie queue!"
As a current single parent, (thanks to my husband trading me in for his band of merry men in his attempt to chase the almighty dollar) I have had many a sleepless night. Let me tell you, when you are accustomed to crawling into bed to snuggle and molest a large, beautiful, blonde man and all you find is a short, hairy, flatulent dog (and my apologies to the many of you out there who think I am either describing their husbands or themselves...) the night can be rather long.
It could be worse, I suppose. Nixon, the World's Greatest Dog. Ever, has been my knight in shining armour. Without his annoying snuffles and soft snoring, I might go mad at the thought of climbing into that vast, lonely bed for yet another eight hour reminder of who (and what) is missing.
However, a gassy dog is a stinky dog, and my nose has been assaulted regularly since the absence of my man. Which has meant a lot of time staring at the computer screen while I should have been catching my beauty sleep.
The upside is, I have found some remarkably stinky fromage to pass along.
So while I am off to yawn, stretch and drink copious amounts of caffeinated beverages to stay functional for a long day of being trapped inside with my sweet, frenetic children, please enjoy le fromage. Served from me to you with a yawn and a groan...
While shopping at a local toy store, John came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As he scanned the line, he noticed his friend, Wally, waiting with all the others.
Knowing that Wally had no daughters or young relatives, John figured that Wally must like the dolls himself.
"Wally, I didn't know you were a collector!"
"I'm not," Wally replied
.
"Then why are you standing in this long line?"
"Well, I've never been able to resist a barbie queue!"
posted by Redneck Mommy at 9:47 a.m.
14 Comments:
Snort! That was a short snort though. I can't wait to tell KimmyK that you've inquired about my weenie size. I definitely will pass along The Workaholic Wife's comment in my next "book". Let's call it a short snort as well.
Bennie, she what? Get out of here. She did not. Ugh. Pardon her. For she knows not what she does.
Now back to you, T.
Glad to see you make it this AFTERNOON.
All right, for the DAMN record,
I did not inquire about Ben's weenie size.
I made a smart ass comment about men and their egos and how there is a directe correlation.
I merely inquired if he believed this to be true.
Perverts.
Ohhh....bad pun! LOL But I love the story of the gassy Nixon.
I had to say this one out loud before I got it.
PULLEAZE!!! You are the biggest pervert I know, T!! I can recall a time in my life, many years ago, when both you and your hubs (at separate times, I might add) gave me the old sex talk and told me not to be such a prude. And I was only 12. Just kidding, I was a few years older than that. But still, I was innocent up until those discussions. Oh well, a girl had to learn sometime, I guess. Don't worry, I still love you, pervert and all!
I'll have to go back to check that e-mail more closely. I think she also wanted to know what Miz Wah thought about Mr. Wiggles. Personally I think T. needs some kind of mechanical device. I thinking jack-hammer....
Oh yeah, I found out her dream is to pose in Playboy.
All right people. Order in the comments room, please...
Roxylynn, if you weren't such a damn pathetic teenager, with your pink plastic glasses and those railroad tracks you called braces, I wouldn't have had to intervene. Let's not forget to mention the fact that you wore your hair like a damn poodle with bad frizz, complete with the pink bow. If it wasn't for my educating you, you'd still be at home wondering why all the boys pointed and laughed when they saw you.
After all, once I told you about the power of getting on your knees, look how your world changed. And isn't your daughter's future profession going to be pole dancer or something like that?
As for you Mr. Wiggles, a.k.a Bennie, well shame on you for making fun of your lonely friend. Shame, shame.
And I have no aversion to posing in Playboy. As soon as they allow saggy A-cupped women with nipple rings to pose with sweat pants and over sized tee shirts on, I will be the first to beat at their door.
Now try to keep it clean people. The only groaning that should be done is that of you reading my lame ass pun!
Ha ha!! BBQ! Cute!! How is the smell in your house this evening?? I hope it's clearing!
Gassy Dogs and Barbies...Ha!!
Uh... Nipple Rings?
Gassy Dogs and Barbies...Ha!!
Uh... Nipple Rings?
delurking a bit on a couple of your posts to say hey, i am delurking a bit on a couple of your posts, finally...because god knows it's time.
Ouch!
And having both a flatulent dog and partner, I can wholly sympathize.
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