Pass The Puns, Please
It took me thirty minutes to get connected to Blogger this morning. Either my antiquated dial-up connection is overloaded, or my brain is still fuzzed by the large amount of tequila consumed Friday night in a rebellious I-am-more-than-a-mom-I-am-woman-hear-me-roar moment.
Oh, I roared. And now I whimper. Still. 36 hours later.
Was it worth it? Hell yes. I was able to see a whole different side of my closest cousin, and she is some wicked fun. Heavy emphasis on wicked.
To celebrate my first EVER tequila shooter (sad, it only took me 31 years to discover that particular pleasure), I proudly offer you this gourmet fromage.
Enjoy it with a dash of salt and be sure to suck on a lemon after. It will help to choke it down...
An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.
When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.
"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.
Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.
Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.
He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......
"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."
Oh, I roared. And now I whimper. Still. 36 hours later.
Was it worth it? Hell yes. I was able to see a whole different side of my closest cousin, and she is some wicked fun. Heavy emphasis on wicked.
To celebrate my first EVER tequila shooter (sad, it only took me 31 years to discover that particular pleasure), I proudly offer you this gourmet fromage.
Enjoy it with a dash of salt and be sure to suck on a lemon after. It will help to choke it down...
An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.
When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.
"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.
Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.
Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.
He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......
"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."
posted by Redneck Mommy at 11:23 a.m.
21 Comments:
Did you make that up?
har de har har.
Mmmm, to kill 'ya
Ohhh...what a groaner!
Glad you enjoyed the shots! :)
Good luck with the tequila.
I had a nice run with it for exactly 3 months in college and never again, I tell ya! Never again.
Carrie
The first (and only) time I ever drank tequila, I ate the worm. The entire worm. I did a few shots and then I put the worm in my mouth and chomped down on the sucker.
I woke up about three hours later between two parked cars, with two German Shepard's licking my own vomit off of my face.
Every time I think about tequila I start sweating and shaking.
Oh, no, not tequila! It is evil!
Glad you had a wonderful 'woman-power' night! Hope you get to feeling back to normal very soon.
i so wish that i could take you to mexico, and drink shooters on the sand at a open bar.
i'm just saying, this is what i thought of when i read this.
might have to pretend at blogher.
Ah....flashbacks to those old college days when I knew exactly how lampshades looked on my head.
Now, I have one apple martini and I feel guilty, like I am one bad mother.
I think I need to work to overcome this. Hard.
You gotta love those tequila shooters! It's been a while since I've had any tequila. It usually ends with me doing something incredibly stupid.
Oh no. Tequila? I'm feeling sick for you.
Remind me to tell you about my trip to Cancun after my divorce and my wild night of drinking.
I'll try to remember some of the details for you. But I will guarantee I'll forget most of it... Because of tequila.
all together now...
Jose Cuervo! you are a friend of mine. I like to drink you with a little salt and lime...
Tequila? Yes.
Groan-inducing jokes? Not so much.
Was that one funny when you were drunk on Friday night? ;)
Mmm. Tequila.
LA Daddy likes tequila. But tequila doesn't like LA Daddy. It makes him angry. Makes him punch holes in doors, walls, windows...
Give me a vodka martini and a Cabernet and I'm your friend for life.
Word of advice - hair of the dog, momma. Hair of the dog.
Ohhh... the silly things one does on tequila... not that I've ever done any of them or anything you know, but I can imagine ;)
Now go bite the dog that bit you. I'm told that works.
Yo Mamatulip! There are no worms in Tequila, but there is a worm in a bottle of Mescal.
I don't know if this brand makes it up to Canada, but Herradura is my favorite tequila. And I prefer Reposado.
*groans*
Mmmm....tequila....always my shot of choice, which impresses those with penises. 'Cept with a lime instead of a lemon when it's even necessary. Mostly for the first two. After that, it's Cuervo and a bendy straw, baby!
Thanks for the link, by the way!!!
Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse
Austrian Sigmund Freud is known as the father of psychoanalysis, yet people have (mental) health problems because of their disfavor, illustrating the preditory purpose of this discipline, this individual.
These people.
Of course Hitler was Austrian. Glock, maker of the semi-automatic gun favored by black street gangs such as the Bloods and the Crips, is Austrian.
RedBull Energy drink, Buwdeiser both Austrian.
The Holocaust was foreshadowing, yet another example of the Jews sacrificing to help the disfavored::::
1. 1492 exodus from Spain. Spain became evil - financed Columbus, initiated missionaries, USA (dumping ground of disfavored victimized by god), etc.
2. Spread throughout Europe as clue to Christians worshipping a false god.
3. "Quasi-Holocaust claim" contradicting boss.
4. 5. 6. 7. etc. etc. etc.
The Apocalypse (or an Apocalyptic event) will be initiated by an Austrian. When the national referendum to allow foreign-born individuals to run for president is introduced I recommend you DEFY and vote NO!! In the years prior to this vote the gods will send POWERFUL clues suggesting the IMPORTANCE OF DEFIANCE.
It will be the Koreans (instead of Nazis). There won't even be any invasion:::They gods will scapegoat them telepathically::::
Black people like the ones who terrorized Korean businesses during the 1992 riots in California will be executed. I have personal reinforcing evidence:::::
This time the holocaust will be black.
Don't be suprised if reparations are dispersed shortly after the black holocaust, capturing those whom escaped their wrath.
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Italy's boot is a clue showing the god's intent with the Romans AND their active involvement::The gods imparted wisdom in the Bible.
Oshkosh is a clue just as Lake Michigan and Green Bay are clues. It is the ejaculate clue:::Life springs forth from this region.
Expect your traditional Second Coming of Christ to come from the region. Consistant with the possibility of matrilinial lineage it may be the mother's family from the Lake Winnebago area fulfilling some "Manifest Destiny" bullshit theater::::You see Manifest Destiny all around you (corporate).
Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy:::::White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse.
This isn’t about reals and clones. This is about the brains and the brain-less:::The brain-less are people whose families have been OUT FOR GENERATIONS, families lucky enough to avoid this disturbing age and its accompanying abuses.
This is the key which unlocks the god’s puzzle.
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The Simpsons offered many clues to the disfavored, not the least of which ARE the frequent references to "pack/mob mentality".
ANYTIME you feel "peaked", experience craving or ANY thought disturbance where you want or like something irrationally (ex:::Halloween, Harley Davidson (theme:::Halloween colors), Dale Earnhardt) IT IS THEM TRYING TO HURT YOU!!!!!! "Magic" is used EXCLUSIVELY to hurt the disfavor:::The fuel of disfunction::::::addiction, homosexuality, crack babies.
In times past when gods felt more generous they employed their powers to help the disfavored (geographical clues, Moses's miracles), but as time went on the gods only used their power to HURT the disfavored (1906, boss, disturbing use of "magic").
There are subtle (sub)conscious tactics they can employ with the computer to make you think as if you are cooperating when they really are pushing you into your offense.
People were pushed into having gay experiences because their parents were sell-out whores.
People were pushed into being sell-out whores because their parents sold their blood line down the river in the early 20th century.
People were pushed into selling their blood line down the river because they didn’t pray.
Man hasn’t prayed to god for thousands of years but we have to pay in this manner because we have the unenviable distinction of living in this day and age, this heightened standard justified with the 20th century life of comfort such as indoor plumbing, refidgeration, canned foods.
The gods pushed people into being gay then murdered them with AIDS.
Women are the favored gender:::Those who understand what it means to be a woman are already halfway there.
The purpose of the masculinization of women of the last 40 years was to pave the way (justification) for The End, for it collectively brought mankind's favor down.
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HOW TO PRAY:::1. I'm sorry for what I've done wrong. 2. I don't want to sccumb to temptation and make any more mistakes. 3. I want to fix my problems. 4. Please don't hurt me.
We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.
If you don't do the right thing you're going to do the wrong thing, and the right thing to do is to ACTIVELY fix your problems and pursue the favor of the gods.
The gods imparted wisdom in the Bible to help teach people the right way to live:::Tempation will be used to test you. You have to be willing to tell them "No." If you "think right" you may envoke their mercy.
You will never get off Planet Earth unless you are "thinking right", so you should focus on it.
If you're not working hard to fix your problems, if you don't creatively work to get the hell off Earth then you will be consumed by it, by the reverse positioning-institutions they instilled as temptations::::popular culture, democracy, materialism.
I have put forth indisputable evidence, as you see above with the Jews. The gods will never admit any of it is true, ever. YOU HAVE TO DEFY!!!! They will lie to you up until bitter end::::This tactic will ensure they claim a HUGE percentage of the disfavored, for so many refuse to defy and this will ensure they don't go.
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My best adivce to you all would be understand what I say is true then WITHDRAW, not only from this plethora of detail (for updating the disfavored is one way to distract AND you should never be so arrogant to think you are entitled to understand the god's behavior) but also from this cancerous culture. Pursue the truth that you just learned and work hard to repair your relationship with the gods. Understand how these corrupt institutions (democracy, materialism/greed, education) affect your life and save what clues they will offer you for when you REALLY need them. Be very attentive and gracious, for you are counting on their generosity.
If you are good and decent and respectable you won't want to hear about all this. If you do desire to hear more take it as a clue, for it is a symptom::::They are peaking you euphorically, and this "magic" is used to hurt the disfavored.
Understand how the corrupted INSTITUTIONS affect your life and make the appropriate changes. For example, they use democracy to justify instructing the computer to create a sense of empowerment. If you recognize this you are better able to overcome the damaging effects.
The gods will want to know who I helped and how they are doing. If people begin with my teachings they will be on a list that the gods will PERSONALLY look in on. The numbers of people who pursue the path immediatley after I illustrate it will be very small due to their minimization tactics, and they will be members of an elite group.
Remember::The gods only use their powers to hurt the disfavored, and everything involved in this Situation are all good examples. Please let me remind you the Jews sacrificed, illustrating to people that boss wasn't going to happen, showing the world that all these popular culture elements associated with the Situaiton were the gods employing their powers to prey on the disfavored keping them captivated for over 30 years now.
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1. Corporate sourcing violently punished::::
They suggest the whole "sourcing" era, where it is positioned that their brain-less clones obtained product from China and other Asian countries for the lowest possible price, will be punished violently if the gods elect to employ the "Asian invasion" script::::
One of the reasons it was so important to get out before 1980 (important to get out before the end of each 20-year war-revelry cycle - 1960, 1980, 2000, 2020, etc).
2. Deception of Southern rednecks to blame for Republican control:::::
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, keep guns available. Easy gun availablility is an "open door" for the gods, a tool used to prey on the disfavored.
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, gave you the distraction that was the Clinton impeachment theater 1998.
Republican loyalty is why noone cares that rednecks are set up for the slaughter.
Democrats good. Liberalism evil.
Kosher is a favor bestowed upon the Jews. The South eats LOTS of pork and there is an oyster bar on every corner:::::It's like liquor stores in the ghetto.
The gods have quite a sophisticated taste for irony:::::The Jew takes boss by calling in the Quasi-Holocaust claim.
The gods got rid of the retarded woman who lived across the street, prior to the fall of 2006 so their handiwork wouldn't stare them in the face while there was so much attention.
The gods took similar evansive manuvers w/ bi-racial so they could continue using this open door to victimize the disfavored.
American space tourist returned after 13 days in space::::"The first thing he noticed about Earth was the smell."
They don't want people coming back or watching. They WILL do things like this:::The intent is to prevent people from returning (favorite expeiences) or watching proceedings on Earth (following and complaining about their family/the Second Coming of Christ and subsequent Apocalypse, which has been HIGHLY anticipated for centuries).
Many of these families are in trouble, and disregard for their descendants causes them to fall further into disfavor.
This is merely one piece of evidence proving my Situation had to fail:::It would have commanded much attention from the other planets. Now I exposed the Second Coming of Christ in the most undramatic of ways, and since this is end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater targetting the "bottom of the barrel" these families teetering on the fence won't watch.
Won't complain about their descendants.
And it is win-win for the gods, for they manufactured a scapegoat and now it is all my fault.
Understand not only how things REALLY are, the gods actively manage Earth with their brain-less clones, but also realize their positioning, for it will help you interpret their clues. For example::::"Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse" is very real and we see it around us every day. It is not isolated here in the United States:::"westernization" has infested the entire world. This is a clue, and how the book of Revelations reads is what IS going to happen.
Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he lied.
Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he was orally copulated.
Bill Clinton was impeached because it was 1998.
It was end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater, of which there are MANY examples::: Brought to you by the party of the preditory disfavored, the Republican party.
Apex of irony in the Situaiton:::Jew calls in Quasi-Holocaust claim and takes boss, re-igniting the flames of anti-Semitism among blacks in the crucial years before the black holocaust.
vtn The similarity between the names Obama and Osama § < no_coincidence >
. . . Obama's association with the record company exec < symbolic_clue >
1. Osama's revelry cycle ('10-'20)=gangster rap
2. Schwartzenegger takes office 2020
3. Black holocaust 2025-ish, justified by § < revelry_cycle_behavior >
4. Reparations 2035 EXPRESSLY for holocaust
. . Ensuring they'll all take it
5. Battle btwn Anti-Christ/Second Coming in 2038
. . End of 20yr war-revelry cycle distraction theater
6. The End - global subduction in 2041, 2043
7. What blacks remain hurled into space § < gold_cards_in_hand
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