Just Desserts

Having survived the plague, death looks from my wimpy husband, 17 hours trapped in a small room with my labouring sister and my overbearing mother, I was feeling rather invincible. Drunk with lack of sleep and the euphoria of finally being able to leave hell (also known as the hospital) I was giddy with excitement to rejoin my family. My real family that is. My hubs, who loves me no matter how crusty my nose is, my kids who think I walk on water and my cat, who to be quite honest, couldn't give a flying fig about me. Let's not forget about my imaginary puppy, while not born yet, does exist inside some poor mommy dog's tummy and is eagerly waiting to join our family. My imaginary puppy loves me too.

In my haste to return to my haven of love, I may have stepped on my vehicle's accelerator with a beautifully pedicured lead foot. I may have missed the carefully posted signage which indicates the speed one is allowed to travel at while on a certain road. I may have noticed flashing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror. I may have pulled over and handed my license and registration to a very young and extremely handsome officer. I may have tried batting my eyes and pushing up my girls. I may have been woefully ignored. I may have received a fine of $172 bucks for my trouble. I may be in deep shit when I tell my husband.

I, also, may have learned something important: Do not speed when you haven't showered or changed your underwear in over 24 hours. Because no matter how cute you think you are, you can never pull it off. Just ask the officer who is laughing his ass off remembering the Redneck mommy trying to flirt her pathetic self out of a speeding ticket. I swear he added $25 bucks on to my fine just to reward my efforts.