Friday, June 16, 2006

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

When I grew up I didn't want to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or a teacher. No, no, when I was growing up, I had the dream of becoming the internet's greatest porn momma in the whole world. People would rush to their computers and eagerly type in Redneck mommy and then sigh with relieved ecstasy at the sight of my naked body glowing blue on their screen.

No, wait, that was last night's dream.

Because I am a sucker for a pretty please, and because I wanted to put my ass out there for public ridicule, I present to you my newly inked backside.

So please, for the sake of my very fragile ego, please overlook the stretch marks and dimples. Because in my mind I am flawless. Please pretend you don't see the strip of skin that accidentally got tanned while I was bent over in the garden. Focus on the tattoo, and ignore my hairy ass.

And Boo, just know that I love you. Because if you were home with me, instead of making kissy eyes with your small town hoes, I never would have had to post my arse on the net for the world to ridicule.

****P.S. If any of you have any suggestions about how to remove the tape marks on my back with out taking a layer of dermis off, I'd really love to hear them.****


Blogger K said...

Goo Gone works great at getting adhesive residue off of just about anything. I'm just not sure what affect it will have on skin.

Good luck.
BTW, I love the tat!


9:23 a.m.  
Blogger Mom101 said...

It's beautiful. No laughing here.

I second the GooGone idea.

9:39 a.m.  
Blogger Tater and Tot said...

Krud Kutter, maybe? It's in the paint section of my Wal-Mart. I use it on everything - microwave, carpet, laundry - and it works great to remove any sort of krud. Worth a shot, I guess?

10:01 a.m.  
Anonymous motherhooduncensored said...

I thought the tape was part of the tat.

Ha. Just kidding.

Seriously, as a tattoo LOVER, it's GORGEOUS. Really great work. Awesome color and everything.

AND PS. NICE BOD LADY. Damnit you're hot.

10:30 a.m.  
Blogger Boobless Brigade Master said...

Beautiful tattoo!
My only guess for the tape marks is Baby Oil and a lot of rubbing...or my daughter sayd maybe the liquid stuff that comes in the eyebrow wax remover kits!?!?!?!

10:43 a.m.  
Blogger Ellen, John & Sophia said...

Try rubbing alcohol- worked for my labor IV (bastards). Good for you- I'm ready the other blog too and have so much love for your love for Bug.

10:53 a.m.  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

WD-40? I know it sounds wierd but it get silly putty off of expensive Easter dresses. Is it toxic to skin? I don't know. I think the baby oil and alcohol options would probably work, too.

It is a very pretty tattoo. I think it was a great idea.

11:00 a.m.  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Thank you! So pretty. And so's the tattoo.

(Seriously - I see no stretch marks or dimples. You look fab.)

11:16 a.m.  
Blogger Orion_skie said...

Your tattoo is beautiful.

11:54 a.m.  

Maybe baby oil.

12:40 p.m.  
Blogger Lindsay said...

i LOVE the tat! it is gorgeous!
I would try baby oil...

1:15 p.m.  
Blogger It's okay, Sweetie said...

Beautiful artwork! I wonder if it hurt too much? I'm afraid...

1:42 p.m.  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

I would use baby oil and cotton balls for the adhesive. And woman, I don't see any stretch marks or dimples -- all I see is a waistline that makes me envious. Nice going! ;^) (Oh, and clearly the tattoo artist spelled your son's name correctly. Score!)

3:15 p.m.  
Blogger jellyhead said...


The colours and form are perfect, the spelling is correct (yay!) and you are a gorgeous backdrop for the tattoo (no WAY have you had 3 children! Surely not!)

:) Jelly

3:39 p.m.  
Blogger Old MD Girl said...

Seriously, if I hear you bitch and moan about how ugly your backside is, I AM going to lose it. You don't even EXERCISE, woman! (except for the gardening of course)

3:41 p.m.  
Blogger Thumper said...

Oh wow. That's beautiful!

Sandpaper will take the tape residue off ;)

6:22 p.m.  
Blogger wolfbaby said...

i have used rubbing achole and baby oil... i prefer the rubbing achole but both work;) Great tat... are you kidding your braver then i ever would be and you look great!!!

7:16 p.m.  
Blogger Stepherz said...

The tat is awesome! I bet painful too!? I want one one my lower back but haven't figured out what I want yet.

Peanut butter on the sticky stuff will do the trick. It's gross to think about but if you want something that works and is around the house, peanut butter will do it...

8:14 p.m.  
Blogger stefanierj said...

That's a GORGEOUS tat--I'm still looking for the stretch marks. Did anyone see them? No? Me neither. Bitch.

Seriously, though--it's not enough I got to crush on you with your nosering. Now I have to covet your tat, too? (get it? tattoo? I'm here all week, folks.)

9:33 p.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

What a great tat!

I didn't see any stretch marks.....skinny bitch.

As if.

Very lovely...but did it hurt? I bet it hurt....I bet i'd pee if i got a tattoo there. I'm such a wimp.

What did hubby say?

6:39 a.m.  
Blogger Petite Mom Blogger said...

Wow! That's beautiful (you and the tat)!

7:15 a.m.  
Blogger My float said...

It looks brilliant. And goodness, if I looked like that bent over, I'd be one happy mama!! You ARE flawless!

As for removing the tape, i'd suggest sitting in a hot bath, then applying some warm olive oil to the edges and peeling it off very slowly. But don't sue me if it doesn't!

4:01 p.m.  
Anonymous jojo said...

Holy shit, it's huge! I can't believe you did it. You weren't sure the other night and now you have one. Crazy chick! What does jealous friend think? I love it and not only because I am truly your best friend!!

6:36 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Your tatoo is beautiful and you have a lovely backside as well.

For removing tape they make "Adhesive Remover Wipes". You just rub the wipe over your skin and it takes the sticky gooey tape right off. They come in little 2x2 inch pkgs. similar to alcohol wipes. You can ask for them in your local drug store.

11:05 p.m.  
Blogger geenalyn said...

its' gorgeous

i'd use rubbing alcohol or even finger nail polish remover to remove the stickey goo

6:35 a.m.  
Blogger gingajoy said...

oooooh. did it hurt? that's a frigging work of art, and the tattoo is too (hahahaha)

9:11 a.m.  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

It's stunning. I love it.

3:32 p.m.  
Blogger Jozet said...

Wow! That's really gorgeous!

6:09 p.m.  
Blogger J's Mommy said...

I love it, but what does it say? I can't make out the top word. Anyway, it looks sweet! I can't wait to get another one.

6:55 p.m.  
Blogger Binky said...

Small town hoes can't hold a candle to you ;) The tat looks great.

11:41 a.m.  
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This is in regard to

that my sister's friend also had stretch marks during her pregnancy. It is common to men men and women. The best alternative for stretch marks could be Revitol stretch mark to prevent stretch mark.

11:06 p.m.  
Blogger Al_Pal said...

Beautiful. I was reading your blog of missing Bug after seeing it linked from here, which was linked by Room704.
*hugs* to you. I'm so glad that you have Jumby in your life and are all doing well with him. Cheers.

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