Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A Portrait of Elegance

I like to think I am a classy gal. I cross my legs demurely when I sit, I don't chew gum and I lift my pinky finger when I am drinking my tea. It has taken three decades to perfect my vision of demure elegance but I had a strong incentive to do so. When your family looks to be the poster family for the movie The Deliverance you try hard to not to look like the neighbourhood hillbilly. (In case you think I am exaggerating, let me describe my pops for you. Picture black, rotted teeth and stained grey tighty whiteys. Which he has no problem walking outside in. With nothing over them...But really, he is a nice fella.)

With my family portrait on my wall and in my head, I have worked hard to make sure my children aren't mistaken as those from a cabbage patch. They keep their elbows off the table, they don't (always) talk with food in their mouths and they say please and thank you like little pro's. I am very proud of them and their manners. I mean, they even clean behind their ears with out being told to. It is a constant battle but I believe that one day my children will be the poster kids for Miss Emily Post. That is my dream.

And they have me to set an example for them. Their classy mother. Who was playing with her nose ring as she sat and waited at a red light after their soccer game last night. As I sat there with my finger up my nose, scratching my itch and twisting my jewelry, I neglected to notice the car off to the right, which was full of teenage boys watching me pick my nose. There I sat, oblivious, until my son Frac cracked up when he noticed the car of boys pointing and laughing hysterically at my nose picking prowess.

I did what any classy mother would do. I flicked an imaginary booger at those giggling hyenas in the car next to me and gunned it as the light turned green.

And then I lectured my kids on the perils of nose picking in public. Because I strive to set a classy example.

19 Comments:

Blogger moe said...

Now that's class.
I'm trying to get my older boy to stop playing in his pants. "Is ther something wrong? Do you need to use the washroom?" I say washroom because that's classy. I would never say "Stop playing with your pen!s in public"

You made a suggestion on my blog about my weed problem:

Or you could pay the neighbourhood children to pick your dandelions, how bout a penny a pop? Think of the bouquet...

I just had to respond:

1. A penny each? I don't know if I can afford that. I've got a LOT of dandelions.

2. Pay the neighbourhood children? I don't need to outsource, I've got five of my own kids who "help" with the weeding by blowing the seeds all over the lawn.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Motherhood Uncensored said...

You rock. And I'm sure you'll be great at embarrassing the kiddos in their teenage years. At least we have something to look forward to :)

10:45 AM  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

LOL I can just imagine this. Did you ever see that Seinfeld episode in which he was scratching his nose, but to the woman on his right, it looked like he was picking it? "There was no pick! No pick!!" Good for you for turning it into a truly humorous moment -- and giving those kids something to talk about later. ;^)

12:01 PM  
Anonymous jess said...

I've been caught so many times that i don't even notice anymore and now i have raises a legion of pickers - great. Just great.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Binky said...

You've got to instill in them a few such traits or they will be wholly unable to relate to their extended family. Think of it as a peace offering to your parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. You don't want your kids being totally ostracized at family reunions, do you? ;)

1:08 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

My cousin and I used to take relish packets from restaurants and pretend to pick our noses in the backseat of the car. We'd pretend to dig really deep and pick a big chunky winner, then we'd smear relish bits all over the windows, to the horror of whoever happened to be driving beside us on the highway. Those wer ethe days...

1:12 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

I'm going to get fired due to all the laughing I've been doing today...

Yet another good reason for me NOT to get a nose ring. I can barely keep my fingers out of my nose as it is.

2:05 PM  
Blogger craziequeen said...

Ah, you classy lady, you :-)

You know you are my role model, don't you??

[rushes out to get nose pierced]

YIKES!!

cq

2:14 PM  
Blogger My float said...

Ah, a beautiful image to see me through the day. (I knew there was a reason I decided against a nose ring!!)

3:18 PM  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I'm speechless. It's funny and I'm glad I'm not eating or planning on eating.

6:41 PM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

Dude..I used to always wonder if it LOOKED like I was picking my nose when I played with my nose ring. In retrospect, it probably did. Do you wear a ring or stud?

Oh and I see people picking their noses FOR REAL, like digging for gold, ALL the time! I'm just lucky like that :)

9:48 PM  
Blogger wolfbaby said...

ohh thats rich... Thanks for my morning giggle I needed that to start my day right!!

8:32 AM  
Blogger Fidget said...

I just spit water all over my screen

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