Thursday, June 22, 2006

It's Good to Have him Home

My darling Boo has made his way home. He has left the small town hoes behind, and abandoned his buddies at the titty bar to rejoin his precious family. After travelling a long, dusty highway for half a day, he stumbled through our front door, threw his bags of dirty laundry on the floor, and wearily made his way into bed. Where he waited for the fun to begin.

I do believe he is still waiting.

Because, really, dear internet, what is more romantic than having a stinky, unshaven, horny man dump his weeks of dirty laundry at your feet (and which he expects you to immediately wash) then fall into bed, unshowered, while scratching his nuts and farting into your clean girly sheets? Really, I am getting a little hot for the hubs as I type this.

Upon Boo's return home, I discovered a new rivalry has developed in my house. Between my dog and my man. It has blossomed into a battle of manly wills. A tug of war over my affection. The problem is they both want to sit with me on the couch. With out being slobbered on, chewed on, licked, or (from Nixon's point of view) removed from the couch all together. I take that back. Boo would love it if I slobbered on, chewed on, or licked any part of him. He just isn't so fond of my pooch doing the same.

Apparently, my darling hubs has some issues with my puppy parenting. Like the fact that Nixon believes he belongs on the couch. Like the fact that Nixon has developed a taste for french fries and mint chocolate chip icecream. Like the fact that Nixon refuses to have his ass tickled by grass so, therefore poops inside the house. Boo thinks Nixon is treated too much like my baby instead of my dog. Nixon thinks my hubs has had a stick shoved up a crevasse and needs it removed. (Oh, wait, that may be me..)

I have reminded him that if he never left me to my own devices to chase the almighty dollar, and perhaps offered up some puppy training guidance, maybe my baby wouldn't believe he really is presidential and would shit outside like a normal dog.

And then I continued to shop for hats for Nixon, (look out Wonderbaby) while holding up an infant diaper, sized one. You should have seen my darling hub's face when I casually mentioned the diaper would perfectly fit Nixon's doggy bottom.

Welcome back, Boo.

I've missed toying with you.


Anonymous motherhooduncensored said...

Oooh... Trial run of the tattoo perhaps???

11:15 a.m.  
Blogger Binky said...

My husband's idea of fun in bed is sleeping. Oh, and farting. I think he honestly believes it doesn't get any better than that. I'm glad your man is back and that he has an appreciation for the finer things in life. Go on, he's waiting!

12:00 p.m.  
Blogger craziequeen said...

[howls with laughter]

you two are just magical :-)

Do you have a door sign that says 'if the trailer's a-rocking, don't come a-knocking'????

If Nixon wants to sleep on the couch, then Boo can share, surely... :-)


2:44 p.m.  
Blogger Softball Slut said...

THis is some funny stuff. I cant remember which blog I came through to get to you, but you are downright funny!!

3:00 p.m.  
Blogger My float said...

What did he say about the tattoo, or hasn't he noticed?

I sense you're very happy to have Boo home, dirty laundry, farting and all! (And away from the small town hoes)

4:13 p.m.  
Blogger wolfbaby said...

oohhh that was funny:) They acutally do have diapers for dogs.... washable even LOL

4:56 p.m.  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

LMAO. Sounds like we are living parallel lives, with the farting and nut-scratching and whatnot.

5:09 p.m.  
Blogger Stepherz said...

Good for you for not being too easy on him!

8:45 p.m.  
Blogger jellyhead said...

Ah, I've missed you toying with him, too.

Boo's back - and your blog just stepped up a notch in entertainment potential!

10:43 p.m.  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

WonderBaby *would* be watching her back, but that she figures that Nixon can be won over and that he would make a great deputy...

4:01 p.m.  
Blogger Bobita said...

Oh, so very funny!

That sexy-Boo!

1:11 p.m.  
Blogger NeverEnough said...

Great post. I feel so bad for Hubs - Nixon has taken over :)

9:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Lisa said...

Oh I so relate to the horny man thing. He doesnt get why I dont find him appealing after a long hard sweaty day at work when he comes home and walks around with his underwear off so his balls can air out and then he sits on the couch next to me and lights it up with his stinky farts and smelly feet. Yummy. I am so turned on.

10:42 p.m.  
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9:17 a.m.  

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