Friday, November 17, 2006

Escaping the Clink

I survived. It wasn't pretty, at times it certainly wasn't easy, but as the old adage goes, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

More importantly, I didn't kill my mother. Or even maim her. For that, I'd like to take the time to appropriately thank the people responsible for such a Herculean feat.

Kevin Brauch, a.k.a. The Thirsty Traveller on the Food network, you are a good man. You didn't need to convince me of the joys of Jagermeister, (me and ole Jagger go wayyyyy back), but I am certainly thankful you shared your stash with me. You were soley responsible for my mother surviving Monday night after I was stuck in a vehicle with her for over six hours through a snow storm.

I should also thank Steven and Drew, who took it upon themselves to keep me in supply of Jack Daniels and a wonderful cabernet from Beringer's through out my trip. Without those two fine gentlemen, I most certainly would have throttled my mother on Tuesday, after listening to her tease me about how only cheap tramps get tattoos.

I may be a tramp, mommy dearest, but I assure you, I am most certainly not cheap. Ask my husband. He'll tell you.

I'd also like to thank Clyde, a 70+ year old gentleman who hand delivered a beautiful bottle of burgundy to my table, as thanks for simply reminding him of his wife in her younger days. Apparently, I am a spitting image of his beloved Eleanor in her hay day. He misses her dearly.

And a special thanks to Gordon, a fellow journalist who I ran into at the resort. I love the fact that you gushed about me to my mother and kept telling her how talented I was and how lucky she was to have me as a daughter. I never asked him to sing my praises, but it sure felt good when he did.

And yes Mom, I do realize he was hitting on me. I wasn't blind. Only drunk.

All in all, the week was a success. At least the part of it I can remember.

But it is good to be home. Safe in the arms of my Boo, and far, faraway from my mother.


Blogger kimmyk said...

It's good to have ya back!

Good to hear you got liquored up, praised, and hit on by the locals.

I am sorry to hear the comment that your mother made. I'm very surprised ya didn't knock her on the head *bonk* with the fine wine that dear ole' sweet Clyde had delivered.
I'm glad you enjoyed Gordon. I sent him there to hit on you. I know how 'tramps' with tats like yourself dig that shit. No need to thank me. Really.

Word to your mother.

5:15 p.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

You're back! I missed you. Don't go away again, dammit.

It sounds like much liquor was had by... you. Yippee! But I need to know about this aura you have that draws men like flies to honey. Did you spend any time with your mom, you tramp? ;)

6:04 p.m.  
Blogger stefanierj said...

Please, please tell me you are joking about your mom's "grandchild" comment. Because I will have to rescind my offer to take your place on a trip with her. Because I don't drink, and that might make things baaaaad if she said something like that to me.

Word to YOU for not being afraid to drown your that you wouldn't drown your mama.

8:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Heather said...

I just returned from a trip with my mother too and I totally understand your pride at not inflicting bodily harm on your mom! ;-)

9:45 p.m.  
Blogger jellyhead said...

Please tell your mother (using your best Super-Nanny voice)that her behaviour was NOT 'asseptable'.

The main thing is, you survived and there were no murder charges laid. It's all good!

4:26 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did she really say that? God I'm angry and I've never met either of you, well done on not pushing off any mountains...x

Jenny in the UK

5:32 a.m.  
Blogger EmmaSometimes said...

hurrah! You are back!

sounds like you had a great trip AND as an added bonus, your mother is alive. Wow! What more could you ask for?

2:43 p.m.  
Anonymous Izzy said...

Your mom really said that? Holy are a woman of great restraint. I bow down to thee!

Glad you are back and we are NOT cheap tramps, dammit! lol

4:39 p.m.  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

And I was saving my christmas money to come get you from the hoosegow. Oh well. Presents all around!

9:10 p.m.  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

Holy crap. There may be more to this story, but I think I might have left her to find her own way home after that grandchild comment. Glad you're home.

12:26 a.m.  
Anonymous Shula said...

Damn! And I thought my family was good at the one-line knife-stick.

Hats off to your Mum.

I actually gasped.

You can't know how hard it is to make me do that.

6:03 a.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I'm glad you survived your mother/daughter bonding trip. It sounds like you almost needed bonding...Bail Bonding.

Glad you restrained yourself. I would have abandoned her along the roadside myself after that comment, or would have hit her with that expensive wine bottle.
I'm not a violent person and since you made it back in one piece, I can see you aren't either.

12:45 p.m.  
Blogger J. said...

No drunken pictures?
No jail time?
What kind of getaway is this???

10:45 a.m.  

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