Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A picture's worth a 1000 words

As a parent, I have struggled many times to find the right words to answer the endless barrage of questions my kiddies ask. When they asked why the sky was blue, I struggled. When they asked why one had a penis and the other a vagina, I struggled. When they asked how the car worked, I struggled. I wanted to find the right words to help their budding brains understand the world around them. But alas, I wasn't the most accurate resource for them to look to. After all, being peppered with a million "why's" a day can lead to insanity. So in a moment of weakness (one of many, I confess) I told them the sky was blue because that was the only crayon left in the box; I told them I made one with a penis and one with a vagina so I could tell them apart and, like the clueless female I am, I told them to go ask their father how a car works.

Holidays are trickier. Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth fairy have all been a pain in my ass. As a Christian, I don't like the idea of feeding them fairy tales to explain the holidays. (And yes, losing a tooth around here is a considered a holiday.) But as a mom, and a girl who grew up with the jolly red fat man, the big bunny and the flying fairy, it was important for me not to deny my kids these experiences. Let them choose what they want to believe instead of forcing my opinions down their throats.

So I had to get creative. When they asked me if Santa was real, I avoided the question like the bubonic plague. I used diversion tactics. "Is Santa real? Let's see? Oh, look at these candy canes. Don't they look good. Would you like one?" And then I would stuff them full of sugar. You see, dear internet, everyone wins.

But they are aging now. And they are growing more clever. And I am getting more arthritic and creaky so it is hard to slip into their rooms in the dead of the night to pretend to be the tooth fairy. Last time I tried to put money under my son's pillow he woke up in a panic and thought I was trying to smother him. It was fairly traumatic for all parties involved.

But I believe I may have found the perfect solution to the Easter bunny dilemma. When they ask if the Easter bunny is real, and where did he come from, (because let's face it, we all know they are going to) I am just going to show them this picture. Because pictures don't lie. And neither does their mom.

96 Comments:

Blogger Amused Observer said...

at least the picture explains easter eggs. i've always wondered about that.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Amused Observer said...

at least the picture explains easter eggs. i've always wondered about that.

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

Have you ever seen "Kicking and Screaming" (the old one from early nineties)...

Chicken or Rabbit?
Chicken.
Chicken fucker.

:)

12:10 PM  
Blogger craziequeen said...

It is with great pleasure that Her Majesty invites you to the first Royal Blog Party at Craziequeen’s Palace on Thursday 13 April, commencing at 10pm BST (British Summer Time).

1:32 PM  
Blogger jellyhead said...

amused observer, what a punchline!!

T, I am exactly the same - trying to evade the truth, with varying degrees of success. Unfortunately I have not managed to effectively divert my daughter (aged 5), who now knows that Santa is your PARENTS. Boo hoo! (I know I'm a bad, bad mother, but she kept asking and insisting and I caved in with the truth. I'm a terrible liar, and I didn't want to lie. Don't hate me!!)

3:52 PM  
Blogger Fidget said...

Ok, firstitivily BWHAHAHAHAHA That is one of my favorite google image search finds. I referenced it in one of my posts too - http://oviedochickens.blogspot.com/2006/01/what-is-obsession.html

BWHAHAHAHA Seconditivityly YOUR explaination and usage is WAAAAAAY better than mine!

8:19 PM  
Blogger Fidget said...

http://oviedochickens.blogspot.com/2006/01/what-is-obsession.html

hmm I dont know if the link shows up right but it's in my january archives!

8:20 PM  
Blogger Canadian Dude said...

I have some catching up to do here. Congratulations on becoming an aunt to Ric. Sorry to hear about the speeding ticket. I had a similar experience with a female cop. And, I agree with the jellyhead and her mother, your writing is a joy to read.

8:22 PM  
Blogger It's okay, Sweetie said...

Ya know...kids have GOT to be born with the capacity for humor. In our household, as soon as our daugther catches on we "let her in on the secret".

That way, she won't feel like the jokes on her. Which can sux big time when you have older cousins with BIG mouths.

These year? I'm slamming Cadbury eggs down on the table. "Here kids. From the Easter Bunny. Bottoms up."

9:47 PM  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

The picture's a hoot. I always hated it when the kids learned the truth about holidays from friends.
As soon as kids start talking it's Why, why, why? And I guess you just do the best you can in answering their never ending questions.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

The Easter Bunny was the first to go from my realm of belief. It was devastating. I really loved that Bunny...

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Blogger Robyn said...

LMAO - I can't wait for my kids to start asking those same questions...I will refer to you!

9:04 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

Maybe I should save that picture so I, too,can explain things to my kids....

lol
(Reminds me of a pet bunny I used to have that humped EVERYTHING....even my poor senile cat....)

9:19 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

this post came at the perfect time. my kid is only 6 months, but i am curious if i should pursue the fictional holiday characters... seems like a lost cause, THOUGH the commercial part of the holidays have left me with great memories... i still have time to decide. thanks for your insight.

11:21 AM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Here from Michele tonight...A funny picture, ibdeed! That Bunny was drunk, possibly? Or just as horny as they say rabbitts are, I guess! Any port in a srorm! (lol)
Very cute, my dear.

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