Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Forecast is Hot and Dry

My beloved is leaving me. Today. He is packing his bags and heading south. No, he's not off to fight for freedom. No, he's not trading me in for a newer, kinder model. The bastard is chasing the almighty dollar. And this is one momma that is not to thrilled about it. Oh, sure, it's not like he won't be back. In six weeks he'll arrive on my door step, eager to please, with his fists full of cash. Well, not really. Much more likely, he will slink back in the middle of the night, drop his luggage (in the middle of the living room,) and sneak into bed to cop a feel. Truthfully, I look forward to that cheap feel. Six weeks is a long time for this momma to not have her "cake."

Six weeks of soccer games solo. Six weeks of parenting Fric and Frac. Six weeks of not having any one farting in bed. Or leaving his dirty, balled up socks for me to find. Six weeks of not having an armpit to stick my nose into when I climb into bed. Six weeks of celibacy.

The closest I'm gonna get to getting my rocks off is having phone sex with my hubs who is notorious for falling asleep while on the phone.

Maybe I need to find myself a pocket rocket or a one of those little Rabbits everyone is talking about.


Anonymous motherhooduncensored said...

Dude. Rabbit Pearl and a good babysitter.

You'll be in the Money.

8:48 a.m.  
Blogger Fidget said...

6 weeks? ACCCK!

yes, invest in Rabbit Pearl

you'll be a nicer mommy

9:16 a.m.  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Pocket rockets are good. So are the dolphins. ;)

9:18 a.m.  
Blogger K said...

Every woman should have a bunny!

Love the puppy!!

10:49 a.m.  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

The puppy is so cute. Must. Look. Away.

I agree that a little investment might be worthwhile. My hat's off to you - not sure how many fists full of cash it would take to persuade me to go solo for six weeks.

11:05 a.m.  
Blogger My float said...

If I was working in an ofice, I'd be sniggering behind my hand.

Given I work from home, I have erupted into huge guffaws, prompting my family to gather around the laptop and ask me what.is.so.funny?

But I don't think I'm ready to share!!

2:34 p.m.  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Guurrrl.....get you a rabbit...or a bullet...but not a trojan bullet...[I just did a product review this past weekend on this gem-sucks a big butt!]

Makes life seem a whole lot easier when the hubby is away.....

6:45 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not commenting on this one.

8:31 p.m.  
Blogger moe said...

Wow, what have I been missing? You ladies seem to know uses for rabbits I'd blush to think about!

6 weeks, that's really tough. I'd want to meet him halfway for a quicky.

Makes me think of those men and women who serve our country away from their families for months at a time, and they don't come home with wads of cash, if they come home.

Count your blessings and warm up your sexy voice for those phone calls.

9:18 p.m.  
Blogger me said...

while the celibacy can be a little hard to handle, i really like when hub is away. peace and quiet and doing things my own way. then great cake when he finally returns!! and my vote goes to dolphin....

5:48 a.m.  
Blogger Binky said...

I had no idea there were so many Rabbit Pearl sisters out there. My husband got it for me as a wedding day present. That should have been my first clue. Now we have a sex life that probably mimics how yours will be with your husband away. Oh well.

1:02 p.m.  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I'm here, but I'm keeping quiet.

6:47 p.m.  

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