Battle Weary

As a parent, I have had to get used to the idea that dishes will be broken, milk will be spilled and a variety of household items will just simply vanish. As a parent, I have been introduced (and since become good friends with ) the invisible gremlin known as Not Me.

It is always Not Me's fault at our house. Even when I catch poor Fric and Frac in the act of wrong doing, they still try to pin the blame on poor old Not Me. But now, as they are aging, and maturing, they have stopped tormenting sad little Not Me. You see, dear internet, they have found another fool to pin the blame on. Each other. Now they just simply respond. "Wasn't me, must have been Frac," and vice versa. And then they go to their private little command posts, go over the battle plans and tighten up their strategy. All in the efforts of winning this war I like to call :Operation Drive Mommy Mad.

I must admit, at times I've found it amusing. Others, maddening. And in the morning, when that beautiful yellow school bus, driven by my very own angel of mercy, stops at the bottom of my driveway and picks up my soldiers, I am relieved. And grateful. For I have survived yet another day, another battle. (Let them practice their skills of seemingly innocent sorcery on the school teachers. For at least they have been prepared for such battles. This mommy needs a break.)

Because I have a new battle to face. A war which must be won. No matter the cost.

Redneck Mommy versus Nixon. World's. Greatest. Dog. Ever.

And I will sadly report that Nixon has better battle plans than I was prepared for. He just bends his puppy ear back and looks at me with his puppy eyes, and I'm lost.

It doesn't matter that he was raping my oldest, most precious teddy bear from my childhood. Mr. Pink Elephant. It doesn't matter that he discovered the joys of the garbage can. What's a little piddle between friends? Right, dear internet?

Until I walked into this scene. Charles was terrorized, raped and then eviscerated. My Charles, sweet Charles, the first teddy my darling Boo ever won for me at a carnival.

It's not right dear internet. I will avenge my dear Charles. Bring it on Nixon. I'm not scared of you. Fric and Frac have a battle hardened mommy.

Just keep your damn ears pointed up, and your tongue in your mouth. Then we will see whose the boss around here.